You Want Me? Beg For Me [Niam]

~Day 13~

Day 13: 11/25/12

(back to Niall's POV)

What could Liam want to talk to me about?

He sounded serious yesterday when he called, I wonder what it's about. It better not be a talk about feelings and stuff like that because, honestly I don't know how I feel about him. I'm really confused and I'm hoping something will happen, that will make me figure them out.

So yesterday Liam called saying that we needed to talk but I had other plans. Sleep. I told him if we could talk today at 6:30 pm instead and he said sure. He hung up without a goodbye! Who does that? Oh yeah, Liam Payne. His mum had left about an hour after I got home. They were having too much fun embarrasing me about Liam.

So here I am today. Alone. Mum went on a ladies day out with Harry's and Louis's mums, Karen and Zayn's mum too. Thinking about Zayn, I haven't talked to him at all since...well it's been a while. I promise myself I'll hang out with him later.

I roll over on my bed looking at the clock. 6:20 pm. Ten more minutes.

I pull the covers back and am about to go under them, yes I'm in blue pjs, when there's knocking on the front door. Groaning, I get up and go downstairs. I open the door to see a nervous Liam standing there. The moment he sees me, his face turns expressionless. Almost cold like.

"Hi Liam." I say cheerily.

He just shrugs and says "We need to talk Niall."

"Yeah I know. Come in it's dark out." I grab his arm to pull him in but he yanks his arm away.

I pull my hand but confused. Why is he being like this?

"I'd rather not. I'll do this quickly. I have other things to do." he tells me looking bored.

"Ok. What do you need to talk about?" I ask worried.

"This is just a game to me." he says bluntly.

I froze. Did he just-? Please tell me he did not just say that. Please.

"W-what?" I stutter.

"Are you deaf? I said this challenge is just a game to me. I don't care about you. I've just been playing with you. It's quite fun actually, toying with you. Making you think I actually care about you. Did you actually think that I love you?" he smirks as if the idea amuses him.

I admit. It hurt. This hurts, hear I am. Hearing the guy that I have a crush on telling me that he likes toying with my feelings. The same guy that knows about my past.

I just stand there, trying to hold tears back, and nod slightly.

Liam laughs, but it sounds forced "Why would I ever love someone like YOU! Your worthless. You don't mean anything to me other than a source of entertainment. Honestly, I would love to keep messing with you, but I don't want to take the risk of you falling for me. I don't want a piece of shit like you, liking me. That would be so embarrasing." he chuckles.

"What do you mean?" I ask weakly.

"What I mean is that I don't love you and never will. And I don't want you having feelings for me. This is just for fun." he replies calmly.

I look at him with hurt eyes and I think his eyes are full of hurt as well but it's just hopeful wishing on my part I guess. Liam opens his mouth to say something but I don't want to listen anymore.

I slam the door on his face, lock it and run to my room. As soon as I'm in the room, I lock it and crawl under the covers.

Tears fall down my face, sobs escaping my mouth. How could he? He knows what I've been through. He knows how bad I've been hurt. Yet he still does it? I thoughts could trust him. I thought he loved me. But I guess not. It was just my heart wanting to be loved.

Why can't it just understand that I'll never be loved?! It knows how bad heartbreak is yet it still decided to fall for him. It's been asleep for so long until Liam came. It started to love again, unlocked those forbidden feelings in me.

And it fucking hurts! I don't understand why it hurts! The pain is there, not too strong but strong enough to realize something.

When I hoped something would happen to make me figure out my feelings, I didn't mean this. But now that it happened, I realize my true feelings.

I, Niall Horan, love Liam Payne.

Even after I vowed never to fall again, I broke it. I wish I hadn't.

Love is great, but how should I know. I've never been and never will be loved. Even fake love hurts. It rips your heart out and tears it to shreds. Taking away every piece of happiness you'be ever felt. Taking away your will to live. Taking away everything.

Until you find the one for you. Until then, you're stuck feeling worthless and miserable. I guess Liam isn't the one for me.

But even after what he said, why can't I stop loving him?!

He hurt me!

But maybe he doesn't mean it...

He laughed while he was doing it!

He looked pained. As if it hurt him to do this.

If it hurt him, then why the fuck did he do it?

Maybe he got forced to.

By who?

...

Exactly! You don't know!!

Oh God. I'm talking to myself. Well I'm all alone, don't judge me. No one wants me. I'm better off alone.

I feel the tears stop falling, but my throat is sore from sobbing. My chest hurts and I don't have the motivation to get up even though it's stuffy under the blankets.

The good thing is...my walls are still up. I maybe weak on the outside but inside, I'm strong. Except for my pained heart. I can't deal with the pain.

Pain.

Pain.

Payne.

Liam Payne.

There's the flash of hurt in my chest again.

Harry was right. He doesn't care about me.

I was foolish enough to think he actually cared about me. But it'a just a game to him. I let him in a bit and he already hurt me. The one time I decide to let someone in for a bit. And I get hurt.







And I actually thought someone cared about me.







~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Liam, you now have a bunch of angry Directioners after you buddy. If I were you, I would go apologize to Nialler right now. Tsk tsk, bad Li. Bad boy Li.