CheckMate || BBS Crew

;: 54 :;

I'm posting a new book New Years Day! I won't spoil anything just yet but please look forward to it!! It's gonna be rlly different from my usual kind of story.

(Also Ik no one rlly cares but I got tickets to see Stray Kids next year!! I'm literally so happy rn it's been such a great day)

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Now showing private messages between FuckBoi and Jon

FuckBoi: is everything okay?

Jon: shouldn't I be asking /you/ that?

Jon: the station was just attacked

FuckBoi: it seemed like they just wanted Jordan...but the explosive they used to open the holding cell kinda left my ears ringing. Other than that everyone's fine. A few officers are injured, though

Jon: that's good. I'm glad you're okay.

FuckBoi: I feel kind of bad for Jordan...is that wrong? I mean he was an /asshole/ who was abusive and manipulative and nearly killed Evan all that time ago. But his death...it just seems like it was overkill. He didn't deserve to die like that

Jon: he hurt you, and John, and Evan, and a lot of other people, Lucas. Don't feel bad. Ever. Our friend group would be a lot more put together without him ever getting involved

FuckBoi: but without him...I would've never had met you guys

Jon: and without him, Evan wouldn't have gotten stabbed

FuckBoi: Jon...please...I still feel horrible about that

Jon: good, because it's your fault. Do you need me to pick you up?

FuckBoi: no you have a family emergency I couldn't take you away from your family that'd be selfish.

Jon: it's just a waiting game at this point. If you need me I'll be there but I'm warning you I will have to come right back as soon as I get you

FuckBoi: where are you? I'll just go to you

Jon: after the station was just attacked? Fat chance. Tell me where you are and I'll bring you with me

FuckBoi: it's fine jon I can just wait somewhere

Jon: where are you?

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Now showing private messages between SwaggerSouls and RoastMasterV2

SwaggerSouls: Evan what the fuck did you do

SwaggerSouls: cam is freaking out Evan what did you d o

SwaggerSouls: I told you to just break your arm or something evan please

SwaggerSouls: cam is really upset please

SwaggerSouls: the mission was successful dude no one got caught and the target is dead

SwaggerSouls: we'll take this to the grave right Ev?

SwaggerSouls: Evan please answer me

SwaggerSouls: Evan what do I tell cam?

RoastMasterV2: I don't care, I won't be around much longer for him to worry about me|

RoastMasterV2: I don't care, I won't be around much longer for him to worry about me

RoastMasterV2: you can tell him everything if you want

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Now showing private messages between RoastMasterV2 and Terroriser

RoastMasterV2 has sent 3 attachments.

RoastMasterV2: follow those instructions and you will be absolutely fine

RoastMasterV2: I apologize for not being able to meet you in person

Terroriser: Evan? I thought you were in the hospital what the fuck?

RoastMasterV2: I am, but not for long

Terroriser: wtf do you mean? Evan you need to heal before you can leave. Are you okay?

RoastMasterV2: I will be healed

Terroriser: Evan you're not making any sense please just talk to me

RoastMasterV2: I used to make sense, but nobody ever fucking listened, so now I don't

Terroriser: Evan I care about you, please

Terroriser: just talk to me before you do something stupid

RoastMasterV2: I could write paragraphs about what's going on, or a short story, a fucking poem about everything that goes on in my head. I could write a goddamn /novel/ and you still wouldn't get it. No one would /get it/. Because nothing happened yet. Everything's fine. We're both breathing, existing beings in the universe so you're just gonna chalk it all up in your head to everything being fine. You only fucking care when things start to not make sense. When I don't put periods at the end of my sentences and there are parts of my ideas and thoughts that don't connect. You only want to hear about things that make sense. Well I don't "make sense." I shouldn't even be fucking alive but I am. I fucking hate it. Because no one listened to me. They just want to fix me. You just want to fix me. Because if I'm not fixed I don't make sense. If I don't make sense then you worry. And worry. And worry. But, you don't really care. No. You only care when everything makes sense. Like it was all just some subplot that finally connected all of its dots and it's more significant than you had thought. I don't make fucking sense. And I never have. You just brushed over it, pushing it aside because it was /irrelevant/, just some phase I was bound to get over, a personality trait that made it easy to identify me, it wasn't significant in your little world.

RoastMasterV2: I don't want to be some puzzle piece in your bigger picture anymore. I don't want to make sense anymore. I don't want you to worry, or to feel bad, or to care about me anymore. I don't want to explain what's wrong or pretend everything's fine. I don't want to keep being used by people because of how naive I am. I don't want to help people anymore. I don't want to be alive anymore. I don't want to breathe or blink or board flights or smile or eat or act like human being because I don't feel like one anymore.

RoastMasterV2: I want to escape. I want to close my eyes and for once be able to hear myself think. I want everyone to stop caring about me and treating me like a wounded animal. I want someone to understand. I want to just curl up and /die./

RoastMasterV2: but you didn't ask what I want, you /never/ ask what I want. No, you asked me to talk to you, which I am. And you asked if I'm okay.

RoastMasterV2: I'm perfectly fine, Brian. Truly.

RoastMasterV2: and even if I'm not, I will be. Absolutely.

Terroriser: Evan, you scare me.

RoastMasterV2: I know. Sometimes I scare myself, too.