If I can't be with you

Funeral

Ross Point of View

I got to Minnesota three days ago. Sophies dad died four days ago and all I wanted to do, was being here with Sophie. She needed me. She was preparing the funeral which would be in three days. She was working her ass off to make everything perfect. I helped her as much as I could. But she refused most of my help.

My Phone rang. It was Rydel.

Ross: "Hey Delly! What's up?"

Rydel: "Hey Ross! How you're doing? I just wanted to tell you that we will be there in two days for the funeral. We rearranged everything. How is it going? How is Sophie?"

Ross: "I'm okay. How Sophie is, is hard to say. Most of the times she doesn't speak. She tries to be strong. You know her. But honestly, she doesn't eat. She is barely breathing. The loss of her dad kills her, but I didn't saw her cry since she told me of her dads death. She is holding herself together, but I don't know how much longer she can do this. Delly, i feel so helpless."

Rydel: "I know and I'm sorry. Give her some time. Just be there for her. She lost her dad. Probably one of the most important people in her life. I can't even imagine how this must feel."

Ross: "I know you're right. But it kills me to see her like this. She is like dead. Just functioning. If she at least would cry. I think this would help. I'm glad that you're coming. Maybe she is opening up to someone of you."

Rydel: "Maybe. Okay, I have to go. I'll text you the details later. Luv ya baby bro."

Ross: "Okay, bye. Love you too, Delly."

I was really glad that they were coming. I needed their support. I had no idea what to do with Sophie. How to help. Her sister Lilly was in her room all the time, crying. But at least I knew what I could do to help her. Michael, her brother, was just angry. He was mad at his dad that he died and he was mad at the world and god that this happened. But also he was showing his feelings. Only Sophie didn't show anything. It was like a part of her died with her dad. Her dad was an incredible man. I didn't meet him often but when I met him, I saw how much of a loving and caring dad he was. He raised three kids all alone and he did an awesome jobs. Sophie was sitting in the kitchen, the guestlist for the funeral in front of her.

"Soph, can I help you with something? You need to rest and maybe eat something." I said to her.

"Thanks Ross, but I am not hungry and I have no time to rest. I have to finish this." she replied.

"Let me help you with it. I'm here for you."

"I know Ross, but these are all people who know me and I think they should hear it from me." she sighed.

"Babe, can I ask you something?" She nodded. The dark circles under her eyes were shining on her white skin. She almost looked transparent. I laid my hand on her cheek and rubbed gently my thumb under her eye. She leaned into my hand and closed her eyes.

"You didn't cry. Why?" I asked. She opened her eyes and looked into mine. You could see that she was holding back her tears.

"Because I have the feeling that if I start crying I will never stop. But my siblings need me."

"I'm here for you. You don't need to be strong all the time." I said softly.

"What do you know Ross? You still have both of your parents!" she hissed and stand up. She left the kitchen. I laid my head in both of my hands and sighed. I know she didn't mean it, but it was hard.

Three days later was the funeral. Sophie was awake since three am in the morning. We were at the church and I had my arm around her. She was so small. She was shaking. It was so hard for her to be here.

She greeted all the people who came for the funeral and expressed their condolences. She still needed to hold her speech for her dad. My family was inside the church and helped with everything in there. Soon the funeral started and it was time for Sophies speech. She stood up trying to make a brave face. I gave her a little smile.

She stand at the pulpit and tried to say something. But she couldn't. The tears were finaly falling. But these tears made it impossible for her to speak. I walked up to her and took her speech out of her hands and started to read while I hold her hand.

"One of my first memory of my dad is when I was about three years old. I was sick and my dad stayed at home to comfort me. He took his guitar and played 'I'll be there for you' for me. Later he played a lot of different songs for me, but this was always my favourite. Whenever I was sad he played this song to make me smile again. He also taught me to play the guitar, but it was never the same. Whoever had the chance to hear him play knows that he could make music alive. He was my first love and will always be the biggest one. When my dad found out that he is sick he tried to comfort us instead of being sad. That was what he always did. He never put himself in front. We were always his priority even in his last day. He never loved anyone more than us. And we will never love anyone more than him. He was the best dad I could wish for myself. He kissed my knee when I fell down. He sewed my costumes for the school plays and practiced all my dances with me. He made me waffles every single sunday just because he knew that I love them. He made the best waffles of the world. They tasted like pure love. He made me smile whenever I was down. What I will miss most of him is his wonderful beautiful warm voice when he sang to me. I can never listen to this voice again, but I will never forget it. But he would want me to. I love you dad and ever will. I'll miss you." At the end I had tears in my eyes. The speech was so moving and showed all the love she had for her dad.

She was next to me and I squeezed her hand gently. She was crying now. It was heartbreaking to see her like this. We walked back to our place and the pastor continued the funeral. There were also some other peoples with speeches but I couldn't concentrate on them. All I saw was Sophie who sat next to me sobbing. She cried like she never cried before.

Soon the funeral was over and we walked out of the church. A lot of people said their condolences and then left for the funeral meal. We stayed behind at the grave of her dad. Sophie was breathing heavy.

"Ross, I can't breathe. I can't breathe! It hurts so much. I will never see him again. This isn't possible. I can't believe it." she cried.

"Soph, I wishI could take away your pain and your tears. I am so sorry for your lost. You are the best thing that ever happend to me and to see you so broken kills me. I promise that I'll do everything to see you smile again. I will be there for you whenever you need me. I love you so much." I said to her. She hugged me and whispered-sobbed into my ears.

"Thank you. I love you too!"

A/N

I wrote this short after a friend of mine died. The feelings of Sophie were the same I felt with the lost of my friend. It still hurts to not be able see her again. This chapter means a lot to me. I tried to process my grieve with this chapter. 

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