LOVE is BLIND (ON GOING)

41

Lily

"Hindi na kita kayang mahalin, Jasmin."

She's now crying in front of me and I want nothing but to wipe those tears away from her beautiful face. But I can't. I don't want to. Ayoko na maging marupok. Kasi the last time na naging marupok ako sa kaniya, nasaktan ako. At nasasaktan pa din ako hanggang ngayon.

"What do you want me to do just for you to come back to me?" Jasmin said.

I looked away. Kapag lalo akong tumingin sa maamo niyang mukha, alam kong hindi ko mapipigilan yung sarili ko. I can't believe na sa amo ng mukha niyang iyan, nagawa niya akong saktan. This is torture. You're torturing me, Jasmin!

"Forget me. I want you to forget me. Move on from me and I'll do the same. Jasmin, you have no idea what you've done to me. You turn me into something I'm not. I hate you... I really hate you alam mo ba yun? Sa ginawa mo sakin, I don't think I can ever forgive you. Oo mahal kita. Mahal pa rin kita sa kabila nang lahat ng ginawa mo sakin. Pero natuto na ako, Jas. Nagising na ako sa katotohanan. I'm not blind anymore."

Jasmin looked down and move away from me.

"Is that really what you want? Gusto mong kalimutan kita? Gusto mong kalimutan na ako?" Mahinang sabi niya.

Binalot kami ng katahimikan.

"Yes. Because maybe... just maybe... we can start over again someday, as friends. Baka sakaling mapatawad na kita pag dumating yung panahon na yun. I just need time." I said.

Hindi nagsalita si Jasmin. Naka'yuko pa din siya habang nakakuyom ang kamao.

"Okay. If that's what you want. I'll take whatever you can give. I'm sorry, Lily. I promise after this... You will never see me again. But can I have one last favor from you?" Jasmin asked.

I was hesitating at first. Hindi ko alam kung anong favor yun pero pumayag ako. For the last time.

"Ano yun?" Tanong ko.

Jasmin looked at me and stare right into my eyes. Sadness. Yun lang yung nakikita ko sa mga mata niya. Her eyes now is different from her eyes that I used to adore. It's dull, dark, sad and hurt. Is she hurting like I'm hurting?

"Do you think I can have one more kiss? I'll find closure on your lips, then I'll go. Maybe also one more breakfast, one more lunch, and one more dinner. I'll be full, and happy, and we can part. But in between meals, maybe we can lie in bed one more time. One more prolonged moment where time suspends indefinitely as I rest my head on your chest. My hope is if we add up the 'one mores', they will equal a lifetime, and I'll never have to get to the part where I let you go. Pero syempre alam kong hindi ganun kadali yun. I'm just hoping..."

Hindi ko alam kung anong sasabihin ko. Wala akong makitang words to describe what I'm feeling right now. I wish I was dreaming. Sana hindi to totoo.

"I know I'm asking for too much. I'm sorry. Forget what I said. Thank you again for saving me, Lily. Good bye." Jasmin turned her back on me. I don't know why pero I stopped her.

I held her wrist then I pull her into a hug. Naramdaman ko naman na unti unting yumakap si Jasmin sakin hanggang sa humigpit na yung pagkaka'yakap niya. Umiiyak na naman siya.

"Shh, tahan na." I said as I slowly rub my hands through her back.

"You have no idea how long did I wait for this. You have no idea how much I missed being this close to you."

Ang rupok rupok ko talaga pagdating sa babaeng to and it's not healthy for me. Hayyy

"Can I spend my last night here with you?" Jasmin said while looking intently to me.

"Where do you want to go?"