Falling To The Sun | B. Swan + E. Cullen

trente-huit

If Roman was being honest, she would say that she was way too excited for graduation. Every part of her screamed that this was the moment that everything amounted to. Life would change after this.

But she wasn't being honest, she was more than willing to lie to herself in the mirror as she claimed that everything was fine. That there would be no momentary change as she continued to make herself unnecessarily anxious.

Because she wasn't anxious. She wasn't nervous or unprepared.

For some reason, she wanted to be, wanted to be upset and believe that it wasn't going to work out for her in the end. She wanted something to go wrong just to let her know that she was dreaming or something.

She wasn't dreaming though, she told herself, running her fingers over the soft fabric of her dress. It had been Leah's before she had refused to wear it ever again, a pretty thing the girl had gotten when she was still happily in love.

It was white, off the shoulder, ruffle sleeved dress with a pretty flower arrangement that faded toward the bottom with a blouson waist topped with a little bow. The skirt would flutter and cling as she moved -- twisting and soft against her bare thighs.

Alice would approve, though, maybe not of the nude boots she wore with it. The girl didn't like wearing the same clothes twice, no matter how nice they were.

"Are you done looking at yourself?" Leah asks, shoulder leaned against the doorway. "You're going to be late if we don't get going."

"That wouldn't be too bad," she remarks, twisting this way and that so the dress brushed against her legs. "Can't I just pick up my diploma?"

"No way. You have to go. You only..." Leah trails off, jaw tightening. "Graduate once."

"Leah..."

"Don't."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Don't."

Roman pulls away from the mirror, crossing the room so she could face her friend fully. "I'm not stupid. I know you know. Just say what you want to say."

"I'm not going to say anything I'll regret."

"You'll regret not saying it," she pushes, shrugging a shoulder nonchalantly. "Nothing you say is going to hurt my feelings."

"I don't want you to be with them if it means you have to change. They should be happy with the way you are."

"They are, Leah. They are happy. I'm the one that isn't happy. I want eternity with them and the only way to get that is by... is by being better than I am now," Roman explains, smiling softly. "I'm not changing that much in the end. I'm just going to be less fragile. More permanent. I'm not becoming a different person."

"Not a different person. A different species. You're going to be a bloodsucker — a leech."

"I'm going to be happy. I'm going to have the chance to be in love forever. Until the sun don't shine!" She corrects, a warmth spreading through her chest that built with each word.

How easy it was to pull the romantic in her heart free, to make the rhythm of her soul sing. Just thinking about them, about the future she had planned, made her head light and dizzy.

She wasn't going to be persuaded against what she wanted now. She was selfish that way, disgustingly so, and she wasn't going to let that fall away from her.

Bella and Edward were it for her.

"You don't have to like what I'm choosing to become, Leah, I'll understand if you'll never want to speak to me again, but you have to understand if only a little," Roman says, breathing the words out lightly, a soft whisper that catches him her throat. "I love them more than life itself and if I have the chance of forever with them then the beating of my heart doesn't matter."