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"Oh shit,", I whined setting up silverware and white napkins on the long wooden table in dining room. "Im not gonna make it...!!!".
The guest will be here any minute and not everything was prepared yet.
The food was still preheating.
The table wasn't ready.
And Aunt Clarissa, who's been helping me cook and set up all morning, went out to find any store open to get the drinks I thought I had.....but didn't.
So yeah.....fuck.
There was still so much to be done and I was slowly falling apart at the seams.
Well in case you didn't know, today was Christmas Day and Odell and I were the hosts picked this year and I couldn't be more nervous.
This was the first time our whole family on both sides will all come together as one.
Yep...you heard right....all of them.
That means cousins, aunties, uncles, grandmas, grandads, parents, nieces, nephews, children, and friends will be here in less than five minutes.
My breathing began to pick up just thinking about all those people, including my half-assed parents, gathered in this one mansion....under one roof.
Oh gosh....what am I gonna do?
Its only the three of us.
Me, Odell, Auntie...that's it.
This was truly going to be a disaster.
I couldn't help but think negative over something as small as this. Hell, I usually wouldn't but ever since I had Miracle and shitty things happened in my life....I've lost pieces of myself that I can never get back.
It was so frustrating at times. No matter how many therapy sessions I went to, I felt like I'd gain a little and lose a little as well.
All the traumatic situations I've gone through seems to have fucked up my brain somehow and it causes me to zone out or overthink everything down to the finest detail every so often.
Oh gosh....I hated it so much. So much to where it felt like I couldn't breathe.
That's just how I felt at this very moment. This is when I feel the most helpless and alone.
Until...
"Lyn. Earth to Lyn. Aye Lyn.....put the fork down baby and take a few deep breaths, alright", I heard Odell whisper in my ear softly as he wrapped his loving around my waist comfortingly.
"Everything's going to be fine".
I broke from my daze and noticed that I had been unconsciously squeezing the life out of the dang thing.
