ƈʀօȶƈɦɛȶʏ, ռɛա, ʟօʋǟɮʟɛ • ɮɨʟʟɨɛ ɛɨʟɨֆɦ

•30•

Chapter 30?! I'd never imagined this book would get this far and I honestly have no idea how y'all still spend time reading it but THANK YOUUU💕

It's 2:00 am. My bed feels cold and unfamiliar after crying for a whole good hour before finally calming down.

How could I say something like that in front of Lily and Damien?
Yes, she did use our complicated relationship to make Lily jealous, but no one deserves to be exposed like this.

How the fuck am I going to apologize?
She probably hates me. I would hate me too.

I pick up my phone, not sure if I'm actually willing to call her. After all, it's past midnight and she's probably sleeping.
But it's all too much, and before I can stop myself, I'm calling her.
She doesn't pick up immediately, but to my surprise, after about twenty seconds, she finally does.

And my stomach knots.

"What is it? Do you have any idea what time it is?"

I gulp and take a deep breath before clearing my voice. "It's late, I know. But I couldn't sleep and-"

"You decided to lessen your guilt by calling and giving me a pathetic apology right?", her tone is harsh and I can tell things are not the way they used to be between us.

"I wanted to apologize yeah, but not because I need to lessen my guilt. I acted like a complete...", I think about it for a little bit, before figuring out the way to express myself in a way she'll get, "I acted like a man.", I whisper.

There's a long pause before I hear a small giggle from the other side of the line.

"You certainly acted like a man. You literally revealed my feelings for Lily just because your ego was hurt and then stormed off without facing the consequences of your action.", she sounds furious, but I know she's not going to hang up on me and leave things unsolved.

"Okay, I got it. Let's stop trashing men now. ", I sniffle. "My behavior was shit and I'm so sorry for uncovering everything in front of Lily."

"Are you crying?", she sounds genuinely surprised.

I wipe my eyes with my long sleeve before lying back down on the bed.
"A little."

There's a sigh before she clears her throat, surprisingly affected by my answer.

"Don't cry. I never had the guts to deal with people crying.", indeed, her tone is a scared one and maybe this is one of her weaknesses. "I forgive you okay? You had your reasons."

No, I didn't.

"Did I ruin everything for you and Lily?"

"I mean, we both knew there was no way she was going to return my feelings right?", she shrugs and I know what that means. She's trying to sound unaffected, but her voice reveals it all.

Lily rejected her.

Are you happy now? They're not together. Isn't this what you wanted?

Another stupid sign that I'm in love with her. I should be glad she's not with someone else. Instead, I wish Lily returned her feelings so she could be happy.

What the fuck is wrong with me?

The realization that I've reached the point where her happiness is what matters the most, hits me hard.

"I...", is the only thing that comes out of my mouth.

"Keneston? Did you fall asleep?"

What am I going to do now? Wait for that feeling to pass? How long will it take? I hate it...I hate it so much.

"I'm here."

"Aren't you tired? Go to sleep."

I turn around and pull the covers over my body, feeling uncomfortable and once again on the verge of tears.

"Aren't you? Didn't I wake you up?", I whisper.

"I wish. I'm an insomniac, I can't sleep."

What? How didn't I know that?

"Like...never?"

"I take sleeping pills but they rarely help."

There's so much I still don't know about her...

There's a long pause before either of us speaks again, but it's surprisingly comfortable.

"Why didn't you tell me you had feelings for me?", she whispers.

My heart starts beating erratically. "I didn't want to acknowledge them.", I simply reply, my voice cracking in the end. I couldn't lie this time. She deserves to know the truth, even if she'll absolutely hate me.

"Okay.", she finally answers after a while.

And then, there's an emotionless beeping from the other line.