Lost Souls

Withdrawn

I can't do this anymore. Every night he would come into my room and force himself on me. I have tried so many times to stop him but I'm not strong enough to stop him. I feel like I am losing myself little by little. I wish there was someone to protect me. Someone who can take me out of this shithole place of a home. What if I just disappear? What if I can just...? It just a lot of what-ifs that are just swirling around until Mickey came and got my attention. I looked up and gave him a smile. "Hey," I said towards him while eating my breakfast. Trying not to think about it anymore.

"Hey, are you ok?"

I shook my head but then proceeded to say "Yeah I am alright. Why?" he gave me this weird look. He knows me well. I can't hide it from him but how can I say dad has been coming into my room every night and touching on me. Or how he has been getting bolder and bolder each time every night for the past couple of weeks or how our last encounter he finger fucked me and I couldn't do anything about it. I sat there and just cried. Or how right after that he forced me to jerk him off right there. How I felt so dirty and disgusting because of that. Just thinking about it was putting me on the verge of crying. How can I tell my brother who looks up to him that he has been touching me?

"Jade, tell me what's wrong."

"I don't know-how. I am so scared to tell you."

"Why would you be so scared?"

"Because..." before I could finish off my sentence Michelle and dad walks down the stairs. They looked like they were joking around or some sort. Then he stopped and gave me a smile. By just looking at him I could tell that he was getting turned on by it. On the other hand, I was repulsed by it.

He finally looked away and greeted everyone. He walked right passed me, as he did so, he went and touched me. It put a shiver down my spine. Mickey gave me a confused look. He was wondering what the hell was going on.

Once breakfast was over Mickey and I walked over to his car. He was the one who spoke first, "are you going to tell me now?"

"Later, I said as I sat in the passenger seat.

"Jade, please."

"Not now," I said while trying to draw attention to myself. My voice was starting to shake. I didn't want to talk about it. Or even think about it. It is already bad enough that he haunts my dreams. Why do I want to talk about it now?

As I walked away from Mickey and walked towards the school, I tried to keep my head down. I felt like everyone was staring at me. I know that everyone else knows. Or at least that's how it feels. I just want this day to be over and done with. As I put my stuff in my locker, I heard my name being called. I whipped my head so quick to see who was calling me and I see that it was Crystal. 'Great, here is another problem I have to deal with.' I didn't say that out loud I gave her the biggest smile that I can give her.

"Hey," I said to her.

"Hey," Crystal says, but I notice that her smile goes away. She notices that something is off with me. "Are you ok?" with all the time that Crystal has known me, I can never pull a fast one on her but I can't tell her either. I go to my usual response. 'Im fine.' but she knows that there is more to it.

"Come on Jade. I know there is something wrong."

"Nothing," I said slamming my locker closed shut.

"Come on I know there is something wrong. We are supposed to be best friends. YOu can tell me anything."

"What if I don't want to tell you everything, hut? Have you ever thought about that?"

I was getting ready to leave but I realize I was starting to shake. "What is gotten into you?" she asked me.

"As I send, Nothing is wrong. I just want to be left alone." I went to walk away from her and she grabbed my head to spin me around. She was getting ready to say something to me then Next thing I know "DON'T YOU EVER GO TOUCHING ME AGAIN!" the hallway was quiet. She looked at me stunned. I was shocked myself. I have never spoken to her like that. Mickey was there to see it. He was shocked. All I needed to do was to get as far away as possible from there, that situation. I needed an escape.