Ever since, New York [h.s] AU

40 || BEST FRIEND FROM HELL

"Good morning." I hear a raspy voice say from beside me and when I turn, it's Ben sitting up shirtless. My head does a quick replay of last nights events to prevent me from freaking out.

Harry and I went out, we talked and he kissed me. My best friend kissed me. Just thinking of it is making me nauseous. After that, he dropped me off at my apartment and I kissed Ben to distract me from Harry and I kissing.

"Hi." I say, hiding half my face with the blanket making him chuckle. I feel myself to find out I was indeed naked. We had sex. Maybe I would remember it if Harry and I kissing wasn't clouding my thoughts.

"I'll give you some privacy. I'll be in the kitchen making breakfast." He smiles, getting out of bed allowing me to see him in his boxers as he walked away out of the room.

My hand instantly collided with my forehead. What the hell was I thinking? Wait, obviously I wasn't thinking clearly. Of course I wasn't!

Although why am I freaking out over this? I do find Ben very attractive. Maybe it was because I did it on an impulse, I didn't want our first time to be out of me trying to forget kissing my best friend - meaning if there even was more first times.

I groan as I look at my phone to find six missed calls from Harry.

I delete the calls and look at the message from him.

Sorry for calling so much, I'm currently coming down from a mental breakdown. Don't mind that.

Same here, Harry. Damn you.

This was his fault. If he hadn't kissed me I wouldn't have had sex with Ben just because I wanted to forget. But then I am reminded that I kissed him back.

Okay, maybe it was my fault too but only by a little, he still kissed me first!

After I get dressed, I join Ben in the kitchen to see him place scrambled eggs in two plates on the table. He smiles when he sees me. "I tried making sunny side up eggs but I was reminded that I didn't know how. So now they're scrambled eggs." He says with a laugh making me smile.

"It looks good." I say, sitting down on the chair and a few seconds later he does the same. It was awkward for me being here with him after what happened last night. Not that I didn't enjoy it because I did, a lot. I just feel guilty because I practically used him.

"You're very pensive today." He points out making me look to him.

I smile. "Sorry," I say. "I'm just having trouble realizing what just happened last night."

"Was it not good? Shit, did I not focus too much on you?" He panics making me place a hand on his.

"No, it's not that." I say, a small laugh leaving my lips. "You were amazing. It's just I don't want you to think -"

"That we're a thing now suddenly?" He says making me go silent. I hadn't thought about that. "It was just casual sex. You looked stressed, it's been a while for us and you just needed to relax. You can say things to me and they won't hurt my feelings, Kat." He chuckles.

I sigh. At least he understood. "Don't think I wouldn't want to date you either. You're an amazing person and I really care about you. But I just don't know if I have healed enough after Ethan." I admit making him nod.

"I understand." Ben says.

"And also, we live on two total different continents. I don't think I'm mature enough to do long distance relationships and just see you one week out of the whole month." I groan.

"Kat, I can always leave everything behind. I can move here to London and start fresh. With you. But only when you are ready, I am not going to pressure you into anything." He smiles.

I lean in over the table towards Ben's face making him do the same, allowing our lips to connect. "Thank you." I say. Maybe he was what I need, but not right now.

And maybe this will help me forget about those thoughts I've been having of Harry.

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sorry it's been a while since i last wrote this story! i've had writers block for this book and ngl i want about to delete it lmao