Ever since, New York [h.s] AU

56 || WE DON'T BELONG TO EACH OTHER AND NEVER WILL

"It's been a very stressful month," Ben sighs, his fingers doing circles on my bare arm. I watched as his chest heaved in a yawn before he took his arm from under my head making me remember he doesn't like cuddling. "I really missed you."

My head takes its place on my pillow while I hold the blanket to prevent my bare chest to show. "Me too," I say with a soft smile but it quickly leaves. I couldn't stop thinking about how wrong this felt.

Ben shouldn't be here, in fact, I shouldn't even be here. I should be with Harry, and that fact that I'm not is making me feel physically sick. When my face becomes hot, I quickly hide my face into the pillow hoping Ben doesn't see but when I sniff I feel him turn.

"Hey," he coos, lightly stroking my hair. "Are you okay? What's wrong? Don't cry." I manage to wipe my tears on my pillow and face him, giving him a small smile and a shake of my head.

"I'm just having an off day," I lie, well.. it was more so true but it was mainly having to do with being in bed with someone who I'm not meant to be with. I am genuinely hurt, Ben is too sweet for me to do this.

"Well," he turns and I hear him unzip something beside the bed and when he turns back around he holds something in his hand. "I feel like this might cheer you up... or, I don't know." He says unsure of himself and sits up. "I know this isn't romantic in anyway, but..." Oh fuck no. "You know, maybe it's too soon, but do you maybe want to—" as soon as I see the diamond glistening my first instinct is to run inside the bathroom and quickly close the door behind me.

The toilet is my friend as I wrap my arms around it and throw the contents of whatever it was I ate. This whole Harry and Ben dilema was making me ill, not being with Harry was making me ill.

This is way too much stress for me.

"Kat? Hey, are you okay? Do you need me to call an ambulance?" He says from the door. At this point, I had threw almost everything up and I was currently leaning against the wall, hot tears streaming down my face.

"No," I sob. "I just... I need to be alone for a bit, okay? Can you maybe put the kettle on, please?" I say and when he says yes and walks away, I go back for my phone and clothes. Being here was mentally fucking with me, so I quietly made my way out the front door when Ben had his back to the stove and grabbed my keys off the hook.

I didn't know where I was going, nor did I know what was going on but I just knew if I stayed there any longer I'd have a mental breakdown. Not that I wasn't already having one as I drove, it took me swerving off to the other lane and an angry lady to honk her horn at me to pull over, making me realize I was in the entrance of Harry's street.

I was so completely out of it that I hadn't realized how long I was driving for. I wiped my blurry vision away and grabbed my phone, going into my contacts where my finger hovered over Harry's name making me press it and hold the phone up to my ear.

I had absolutely no idea what I was going to say, or what I was going to even do if he didn't pick up. I just felt like I needed to hear his voice. I felt like seeing him would bring some of that reassurance to me that everything would be okay, and that if it wasn't he would hold me for as long as I may need to.

"Hello?" His voice finally comes through sounding raspy. He must've been asleep, considering it's twelve at night. "Kate? Are you there?"

I am brought back by his voice. "I'm sorry," I sniff, feeling some more tears roll down from my eyes. I hear shuffling on his end before a door closes and I am able to hear him more clearly.

"What for?" He asks, now more attentive. "And why are you crying? What's the matter?" He asked, concern laced in his voice.