Their Choices, Their Life

Chapter Thirty-Four {Onederland}

Michael couldn't stop staring at her and it wasn't just because he hadn't seen her in a year. As his eyes were stuck on her, he realized he'd never seen her as a mother. Not really. The day of his confession was his son's second day alive, so he wasn't doing much of anything.

Seeing her in her element, as a mother, was doing a number on his heart, warming it and breaking it all at the same time. His selfishness had robbed him of experiencing Janeé like this and he knew countless moments were lost that he'd never be able to witness--

Like seeing her attempt to breastfeed. Steelo told him BJ never latched on, but he still would have killed to be a part of a tender moment like that.

Or him doing stupid dad stuff like leaving BJ's diaper bag and having to turn back around to go home while his son wailed in his mother's arms until he got his bottle.

There were so many scenarios he imagined in his mind—
Trying to quietly get a quickie in before BJ woke up in the middle of the night.

Or taking midday naps with his son on his chest as she secretly watched on and snapped pictures of them.

So many memories that would never be. Lost forever.

He didn't know how she'd react to him, so he continued watching her silently. He managed to slip in quietly because he knew the venue of the party well. He later found out Janeé's mother had rented the home from Peerspace. It was like Airbnb, except for event spaces.

The venue was his former Atlanta home. The one he bought for them all that time ago. The one Janeé had decorated for them to live in. The same house he broke her heart in. He wondered how she felt being back here and he felt shame all over again for their history and the things he put her through.

I don't deserve her love. I never deserved her love.

That was something he told himself over and over the past year. Continually reminding himself of it, trying his best to drill that fact in his head. Brainwashing himself into believing it.

"Are you lost, son?"

Michael smirked at the irony of that question. Geographically he wasn't. This had been his former home, but emotionally, he didn't know which way was up. He pulled himself together to greet Janeé's father.

"Mr. Walton, it's good to see you." Michel felt the urge to hug the older gentlemen but stuck his hand out instead.

"How have you been?" Jim Walton knew the answer. He could see it on Micheal's face, and despite his inconceivable and selfish actions, Jim always looked for and wanted the best for others. Especially when those others were a part of his family. Part of him still wanted to beat Michael's ass for what he put his child through, but he suppressed that feeling and focused on what was best for his grandchild.

"Been better. But grateful to be here," he responded solemnly.

Jim could see the relief on Michael's face as they talked. He sensed Michael assumed he'd be walking into a hostile environment. And maybe he had. Jim had no idea how'd his daughter would react to seeing him again. Michael had been watching her and BJ from an upstairs window as she and the rest of the party committee put finishing touches on the outdoor party. It was the second day of February, but per usual, Georgia weather was unpredictable and the balmy Atlanta weather was perfect.

He and Jim slowly made their way downstairs as they caught up on the last year. Before he realized it, he was outside and had lost sight of them. His heart raced as Jim was called away and he was left alone. The gathering was small. Close family and friends only since the public didn't know who she was and had never seen his child's face.