Self-Reflection

2019...

Ahh where do I even beginning?

I would say this was the worst year of my life, but it was a year filled with lessons. Hard lessons...

I started college and faced my biggest nightmare... However I overcame it...

I grieved over my baby sister, my twin, my beautiful rose but I know she's in a much better place then the situation she was in before.

I got stalked, harassed and assaulted by someone I only met briefly from my job. I've learned just how corrupted the justice system really is. No one has your back. No one is actually by your side. Only you do.

I learned what love is. I learned to love and experienced what love felt like for that short moment. I experienced conditional, unconditional and that fake love.

I saw the ugliness of alcoholism and drug abuse. The horrid truth of the party scene and the violence that comes with the drug and gang lifestyle. Learned how to love someone unconditionally regardless of how scary things get.

I loved behind my parents back, which lead to many beating and being locked in my room crying for hours and hours. Not eating and sleeping because I couldn't be with the one that I loved so dearly. Not knowing that things weren't as they seemed on the other side.........

Love really is blind huh.

But it's time to move one and to love someone who's worthy.

I learned how well I can work under pressure. Consistently being yelled at and still managing to get the work done at the end. Working 40+ hours and busting my ass trying to get the money to pay my tuition, my tickets and the damages on my car after my car accident and STILL making time for friends.

This year really opened my eyes on how I viewed myself and how I saw others.
I questioned who were my actual friends and who I was as a person.

You think you have a stable tight friendship but you've been missing all the signs.

But the biggest thing that I've learned this year is that, ain't no one got me like me.

I've emerged from the ashes of my broken soul as a much stronger and more independent woman.

I don't need anyone.

I only need me.