Self-Reflection

Reminiscing (The Good)

You made me feel like I was the prettiest girl in the whole world.

By the way you admired me, your eyes filled with light.

By the way you touched me, so softly like I was a delicate flower.

By the way you talked to me, always letting me know how much you valued me.

You were always there for me. Always willing to travel so far just so you could see me. To hold me. To kiss me. To tell me how much you love me.

You spoke my love language so fluently. Providing me with everything that I wanted, from my favorite drink at Starbucks to my favorite type of jewelry to my favorite hookah flavor.

You knew exactly what I wanted. The stuff I was passionate about.

You would message me every single morning at exactly 8 am. With a "Good-Morning Pumpkin", followed up with a cheesy poem about your love for me. Every Tuesdays and Thursdays, you would wait for me at LC 25 with a pink drink in you hand, knowing that's what I was craving after class every-time. You would always show me off campus to everyone, letting everyone know that I was your girl. Every night at exactly 12:20 am, you would call me. Asking about my day, how I was feeling, if I ate well and about work. You never got to enjoy your parties because you were outside talking to me. From the moment the party started to the moment everyone left. You would always end up falling asleep on the phone, saying how you wanted my voice to be the last thing you heard before going to sleep.

Our chemistry, our attraction toward one another, was so strong since our first date. I knew the moment that I laid my eyes on you that I wanted you. And I knew that you wanted me too.

You would always carry me, whether it was a piggy back ride or bridal style. You would lift me in the air and spin me around, telling me that I'm your angel. You would pick me up and put me on the kitchen counter top while you were "cheffing it up" or making us mimosas.

The moments when we were in bed together. Just looking at each other, holding eye contact. Seeing the love in your eyes. The way you would caress my face. To you running your fingers through my hair down to my body. Pulling me in even closer to you. Giving me that smile.

In the morning, we would sit in the balcony. You were behind me. We had our cups of coffee. During those moments it felt like home. Our home.

The moment you asked me to marry you. It felt like a dream come true. That I could spend the rest of my life with you, and that you felt that way too.

Our emotional bond was so unbreakable. I felt so secure and safe with you. I trusted you with everything. After sharing our trauma, I felt like it was You & Me against the world. Knowing that we both suffered the same trauma. The abuse. That night, when I shared to you... crying in your arms all night long. You made me feel alright. That harm wouldn't come to me again. You made me feel strong. Knowing that I could rely on you. That you would never hurt me. That was when I knew how much I loved you. And it scared me.

I wasn't expecting things to go so wrong.