Rambling

19

How does one react to devastating news?

It's unimaginably painful, to the point where you hear the news, but cannot begin to process them at all. You can hear the words, but your brain cannot understand their meaning, or their intent. You just hear them, your body locks, your brain tries to cope with the news, you deny it, question it, relive it, and finally, begin to let the words set in.

They tried to kill them self.
We did everything we could.

Pretty horrific words to hear, and no amount of soothing, comfort, or preparation could even begin to help you hear those words. I couldn't hear them, how could you?

They kill you, every single fucking part of you hurts, aching from the words that tear you apart like shards of falling glass, cutting away your safety until you are left exposed, open, and hollow. When I heard the words, when I got the news, I couldn't believe it. It took several minutes for it to even become real, and by then, my eyes were already blood shot from the tears that processed the words before I could.

The drive there, to the hospital, was the single most antagonize ride of my life. It was time just spent over thinking, wondering why, and picturing exactly what they could of done. You see them, their pain, their breaking point, the part where they take their knife, the blood running down the wall, but for some, they don't make it to the hospital.

Luckily, he did.

That was exactly what happened to me.

Elliot was gripping onto the seats handle, he gripped it so hard it hurt his hands, but if he didn't grip something, he didn't know what he would do. His knuckles were split, bruised, and busted, after all, he did punch the wall several times until he broke through the dry wall.

He had never felt like such a fuck up, the only other time was when he had tried to take his own life, and even then, it wasn't like this. Though his attempt was serious, he stopped early, and went to his sister for help.

But Civil...

Elliot closed his eyes, and tried to steady his rapidly beating heart. He could hear his sister softly crying into Brock's arms, they were almost silent by now, to the point where they were just gasping breathes and shudders. Brock was emotionlessly holding her, rhythmically stroking her back while he stared at the wall.

Elliot always hated the hospital, the smells, the people, everything about it just gave him an unsettling feeling. If he wasn't the one crying, other people were as they received their tragic news, or the news they were praying for.

Not that Elliot ever prayed, but in this moment, he did.

Across from him was Civil's aunt and uncle, Lacy and Drew, who sorrowfully held onto each other dearly, but their faces, although were stricken with woe, was lacking surprise, unlike Elliot.

Elliot was sitting next to Brock, Nathen, Denny, Lewis, Jenny, Marla, and Lucy; who were his drinking buddies whenever he went out. Jenny has thrown a few party since her family was out, which was quite often. She invited a lot of the school there, so Elliot felt obligated to show up.

Well, no, he was angry, so he wanted to drink.

He was angry at Civil for not listening to him, the entire time he was trying to explain Civil couldn't even look at him, he was distant, cold, and wouldn't listen to him. He was also angry at himself for letting it happen, for having something to try and explain, because if he was a good person, there shouldn't be anything to explain.

However, of course, he had found a way to screw things up before they were even exclusive. Which he should have done at the beginning, but he was just nervous, and well, embarrassed to be with a guy.