Rambling

33

Nathen up top 😮
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Have you ever done something you knew was a mistake, but you did it anyways? For no logical reason at all, you just couldn't resist, and you had to do it no matter what the cost?

That is what kissing Skylar was.

A huge.
Utter.
Mistake.

The kiss itself was fine, Skylar was fine, everything about him was fine, what wasn't fine, was the fact that there was Elliot....
Elliot.....

Civil opened his eyes and felt his heart pounding so hard he could feel it in the tips of his fingers, pulsing like a drum. He knew very well his face was bright red, for his face burned so much that he felt like he had just ran a marathon. His mind was reeling with thoughts, flooding in his head until his breathing came out in short pants. Skylar seemed unfazed by the kiss, smiling sweetly as his lips formed words Civil could not hear, for his mind was struggling with thoughts he could not sort out. Civil pushed down the urge to fan his face, blushing profusely as he tried to shrug off the feeling in his chest and the confusion in his heart.

Civil couldn't breathe, his chest hurt so bad, the crowd felt overwhelming, like suddenly there was hundreds of people surrounding him, closing in around him like walls. Spinning, he felt like his whole world was twirling around him, making his head spin along with him. He felt a strong hand on his shoulder, breaking him from his panic, forcing his head back to meet deep brown eyes filled with concern.

"Civil," Brock said, clearing the haze around him so that his head was filled with the noise again.

"I-uh, yeah hey, sorry I lost you for a bit..." he murmured, running a hand through his hand nervously.

He wasn't sure where Skylar disappeared to, but he was relieved that Brock hadn't seen their kiss. Brock motioned first him too follow, feeling slightly guilty for once again ditching someone, Civil followed suit behind Brock, trailing closely behind him. As he followed, he watched the way Brock's muscles moved through his shirt, and Civil was shocked to realize how broad his shoulders were, they were sturdy and defined. He had not realized how defined Brock was, he was probably one of the strongest guys he knew.

"Your aunt wanted our help moving something from the back, then she said we could take off if we wanted," Brock called over his shoulder, heading away from the crowd towards the back of the building.

It was a bit of a walk, but it wasn't nearly as bad as Civil felt, constantly chewing on his lips. Brock kept a close eye on him, watching him like a hawk, making Civil feel slightly uncomfortable. His expressions were hard to read, but Civil could read the one on his face.

He knew.

"Civil," Brock said, motioning for the large table they had to carry across the lot.

Civil's heart soared as he rounded the long table, picking up one of the ends. "Yes?" He questioned, not daring to meet Brock's eyes.

"What's wrong?" he questioned, his eyes darting across Civil's face, trying to read the numb expression.

Civil didn't answer, his eyes felt teary, and a raw emotion bubbled in his throat, and he desperately tried not to run away from his emotions, since Brock instantly saw his pain. Brock rested his hands on the table, looking concerned as he watched Civil fight back his feelings, until Civil felt ready enough to speak without a tremor.

"I don't know... I don't know what I am doing. I haven't heard from Elliot in weeks, I don't even know if he remembers my name. I'm confused, and lonely, and my meds have me fucked up. I know he has been going through something but I needed him too, and he dropped off the face of the earth..." Civil paused to bite on his lip, closing his eyes slowly, fighting back the ache in his heart that had constantly been hurting, "I have done stupid things...but..."