Rambling

29

Civil up top!
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Thing's didnt get easier from there out.

If anything, they got harder, more complex, and down right confusing.

Civil lay on his back with his eyes wide open, he knew he was making a horrible mistake, yet he did nothing to stop it. He felt utterly frozen to his bed, and knew...his depression had returned. Was it foolish of him to think that taking new meds, and seeing a therapist would help him heal? Although, he hadn't actually gone to another appointment like he was supposed to, and forgot to take some of his meds which he was supposed to take every day. It was laziness, but it wasnt his fault. He knew that if he wanted to get better, he would have to fight harder, and ask for help, but he had never asked anyone for help before...he didnt want to feel weak any longer.

It was early, around 4 am, and he was wide awake with no motivation to sleep. Sure, he felt so tired that his limbs felt heavy, but he was not tired in the sense that sleep would cure it. Next to him lay Elliot, who had fallen asleep after they had fooled around and had ended up staying, even though his aunt and uncle would be home now. He knew that if they found out, he would probably be grounded and Elliot would not be allowed over, but the warmth next to him filled the empty void in his stomach. Elliot made him feel whole inside like he once did, yet he also gave him so much pain at his distancing that it left him just as empty.

His mind wondered to Poppy, and he hoped that she had recieved his text to meet up to talk about Elliot. He missed her, he missed the texts, he missed the coffee shop laughter, and he missed her ability to make everything a memorable moment. He hoped that Brock was there for her when he could not, for he knew how lonely she got too. When he wasnt thinking about her, his mind went to Skylar, and got confused.

Then there was Elliot, who circled his mind whenever it could, sending his mind into a spiral. If he could just close his eyes and dream away his problems, then everything he felt would feel so unimportant. Yet, he just could not fall asleep.

By the time the sun rose into the sky and filled his room with light, Civil was still wide awake. The sunrise was an unreal sight, filling his room with vibrant hues only the sun could produce. He watched as the colours landed on Elliot's sleeping face, slowly sweeping up his body like a wave. Civil admired his sleeping body, how flawless he looked when touched by the sun, letting his fingers slide against his exposed skin. Elliot's body stirred, and his eyelashes fluttered slowly as he began to wake up. Civil took his hand away, and found himself staring deep into the ocean eyes.

"Shit...what time is it?" he asked, his voice thick and husky as he barely sat up.

"Morning...it's alright," Civil murmured, watching Elliot's eyes go wide with worry, and then relax as he stared at him.

Civil sat up as well, and combed a hand through his hair, almost at the same time Elliot had. Neither said a word, they just took in the mornings light in with the silence that fell between them. Civil felt like his entire body was hit by a truck, plus it was hard to see out of his right eye, which meant it was probably pretty swollen. He didn't want to think about how he looked, or the fact that Elliot was still in his bed when it was morning and his relatives would be up.

Elliot looked bothered as he looked into Civil's eyes, and his hand reached out to gently touch Civil's face, fussing over the bruises. Civil found himself smiling at him, watching the way his browns furrowed as he murmured to himself, sighing as he inspected Civil's face.

"It's ok, I'll be fine Elliot..." he sighed, swatting away his hand.

Elliot still looked concerned, and sat up fully in the bed, the covers rolling down his body to bunch up at his hip. Civil watched his muscles contract and flex as he stretched his body, his hair falling back as his head tilted in the light. It was arousing, watching his boyfriend naked in his bed sitting in the morning sunlight. Looking over his shoulder, Elliot's ocean blue eyes went dark, giving him a vicious yet sexy look on his face.