Rambling

25

"It's nothing, really...so don't worry about it."

Have you ever lied to someone you love like that? For, actually telling someone how you feel is worse than keeping it to myself. It is easier for me to bury everything inside me, where it destroys me, than telling someone how I feel and having it destroy them. So, I lie, and say "I'm fine," hoping that one day, I wouldn't be lying.

However, as much as Civil wished he could forget it all, Elliot wasn't stupid, he wasn't just going to let this go.

"No Civil, come on, you can't pretend this didn't happen," he said, cupping my face.

Civil closed his eyes and knew that he was going have to explain himself. Biting down on his lip, he met Elliot's eyes, and proceeded to tell him what had happened that day.

Civil had just gotten to school, feeling dreadful the closer he got. He wondered if he was the talk of the school, if everyone knew his secret and would make fun of him. Every step he took, his blood pumped harder, his hands began to sweat, and his heart would violently shake. Pausing at the doors, he watched as students went around him into the school, not a single person looked at him, or even noticed him.

It was a slight relief, that he was still the unnoticed person who was always in the background for people. He didn't mind it either, all he wanted to do was make it through this day without having his thoughts crush him.

Taking a brave step, he grabbed onto the handle of the door, and twisted it.

"Hey Civil!"

His entire body jolted, and he took a large step backwards away from the door. He had nearly jumped out of his skin, a scowl taking over his face. Gritting his teeth, he turned to his right and spotted Jenny standing on the curb, waving him over with a kind smile.

He didn't want to think about what she was doing, slowly, he started to walk towards her.

"What do you want Jenny?" He asked, stopping in front of her.

Brushing back her curly hair, she beamed at him, lightly touching his shoulder.

"How are you doing?" She asked, all while keeping that smile.

Civil felt as if he were talking to a hyena, with such a toothy grin. There was something wrong here, yet, he continued to stand there with a glare on his face. He knew he should just walk away, yet he stayed.

"Fine," was all he said.

"That's great!" She laughed, clapping her hands together.

Civil waited another moment, watching her. Deciding it was pointless, he started to turn around, but before he could she once again grab his arm.

"You know...I thought I made myself clear," she smiled, yet this time her eyes narrowed as she spoke, her true face showing.

Civil showed no emotion, and stared at her blankly. It seemed to agitate her, because her smile broke into a sneer. Civil didn't weaver, he continued to emotionlessly stare at her.

"I told you to stay the fuck away from Elliot," she spat, leaning backwards, "now, I have no choice-"

Civil's eyes narrowed and he laughed, out loud, swatting away her hand. A smile began to cross his face, seeing just how petty she was. She didn't scare him, what did she have against him, that he was gay? It would probably come out anyways, so he didn't care.

"Do whatever the fuck you want Jenny, I could give a rats ass," he smiled, turning abruptly on his heels.

Without saying another word, he marched into the school to face the day, anything was better than dealing with Jenny. Walking inside, he made his way down towards his locker, still not entirely sure he wanted to be there. Stuffing his things into his locker, he was half convinced that he was going to fall asleep on his locker, he felt so tired that his body drooped.