Rambling

36

Laying on his bed, Civil scrolled through his Instagram feed absently, Netflix streaming loudly in the background. Chewing on his lip, Civil threw his phone down and sighed loudly to himself. This was by far, the boredest he had been in a long time. His aunt and uncle were attending another function for the hospital and were out till 12, Skylar's parents had returned and was stuck at home, and Brock was out partying.

Sighing again loudly, Civil rolled around on his side, flopping dramatically. "Fuck this..." he groaned, getting up from his bed.

Grabbing his jacket, Civil left his room and slipped on his sneakers. Stepping outside, Civil began the walk down towards the beach. This was his least favourite time of year, the weather was cold and he was unable to swim again until spring. However, even when the wind burned his eyes, the smell and sight of the water soothes his soul.

Sitting in the sand, Civil sunk his fingers into the cool peoples and watched the waves crash against the sand. The sound was nearly deafening, yet it soothes him. As a kid, going to the beach with Caleb and the others was the best part of his day. He would spend hours with Caleb, spend days on end at his house before returning home to his mom. She would have a pizza baking in the oven, and a warm smile for Civil at the door.

It had been a while since he had seen her...

Clutching the sand, his mind wondered to Caleb, and the others. Last he had seen them, there were still kids. Daniel, Joe, Connor, Luther, Cindy, and Caleb... what would they have done, if he had returned? Would they even recognize him?

Chewing on his lip, Civil closed his eyes and let his mind calm with the crashing waves at his feet. The air whipped across his face, bellowing through the holes in his clothing to his exposed skin, yet all he felt was warmth.

"What am I doing with my life..." he murmured to himself, shaking his head slightly. "I'm always running, I never stop.."

"Do you always talk to yourself like that?"

Civil abruptly opened his eyes, yet a smile crossed his lips, peering over his shoulder to Brock's scowl.

"Not use to the cold?" He mused, watching Brock shutter down beside him, shooting him a glare.

"What are you doing here Brock?" He asked with a long sigh, wishing for the peace he had seconds ago.

Brock looked out at the waves and hissed, "how do you like this shit..." before shaking his head. "I'm here because I know you come here..."

"And?" Civil inquired, raising a brow.

"Look....I'm sorry about all the shit that happened at the party, and everything else," he said without meeting Civil's gaze.

"Dude, you didn't do anything so knock it off," Civil smiled teasingly, but Brock did not.

"I've fucked up a lot of shit, and I'm sorry if what I did..." he lingered, the words he didn't want to say.

It took Civil a really long time before he understood what he was saying, "Brock, I didn't try to kill myself at that party. I just mixed my shit and was reckless."

Brock wasn't buying it, giving Civil a glare. "What happened between you and Elliot was shit. He has no excuse. He's had a lot of shit thrown at him over the last while..." he murmured, as if it were an excuse.

Civil didn't say anything, a part of him wanting to tell Brock off while the other cared for Elliot. Civil sighed softly, rubbing his tired eyes with his palms.

"Brock...I can't go back to being the guy in the closet," Brock nodded slightly, "I ...I miss Elliot... but we just weren't right. I really like Skylar, he's everything I need right now."