Rambling

24

Have you ever had a bad day? One where everything that happens gets on your nerves, and no matter how positive you try to stay, you still are left miserable. That was how he felt in this moment.

How had things gotten so fucked up?

They were supposed to be simple, they were supposed to make sense and fall into place. However, they didn't, nothing did. When you have a life changing moment, aren't things supposed to be easier? Why do they seem a million times harder now?

Elliot had no idea why, but he wished he could take it all back. He just wanted to go back when things were simple and made sense, but he couldn't, he could never go back, and now...he had a choice to make. One that he wished he hadn't, one where either choice would ruin the other, one where in the end, someone would be hurt.

How do you choose what person to hurt?

Elliot was laying on his back, staring at the cracks between his outstretched hand, watching the way the light peered through the spaces of his fingers. It was early-ish, meaning he was getting to the point in the morning where if he didn't get up soon he wouldn't get up at all. He knew he needed to get up and go to school, but he didn't know how.

After Civil had come out to his uncle and aunt, things had been running smoothly between them. Elliot was welcomed lovingly into their home, and aside from the horrifying sex talks that his aunt gave, it all went by smoothly. Elliot could tell his uncle was a touch more reserved, for he just stared at Elliot until he left the room, making him feel a bit uncomfortable. Civil said it was his was of coping, but Elliot could tell Civil was worried about something deeper.

Elliot wasn't sure what it was, but he decided to leave it be for now, just until Civil was a bit more stable. Since he was back, Civil was struggling to stick to his new coping mechanisms, and Elliot did his best to help him, but Civil wanted to everything on his own. So Elliot stayed back, but offered help whenever Civil would take it.

However, Elliot had yet to come out himself.

Unlike Civil, Elliot's life- as much as he hated to admit it- revolved around his social life. He was a popular guy, he had been with his fair share of girls, and wasn't friends with the most accepting group of people. He could just imagine how Jenny would take it, that bitch would take it run until Elliot was left in the dirt. The only one who knew, was Brock, and Elliot wasn't sure if he knew-knew, or if he just assumed.

"Elliot! Come on! You promised to drive me!" Poppy yelled, the pantry door slamming shut out of his room.

Sighing, Elliot waited a moment longer before getting up. He had spent the last week trying to find the perfect moment to tell Poppy, yet, nothing felt right. Civil said that no moment would feel ok, but Elliot didn't want to just spring it on her. She still thought Elliot was pining over Ada, a girl he had previously dated who had crushed his heart.

He deserved it anyways.

Walking out of his room, Elliot went to the kitchen and watching his sister cow down on cereal she had grabbed. Shaking his head, Elliot grabbed his keys and looked at his sister, worryingly. Poppy looked up at him with a mouth full of cereal, milk dripping down her face, and narrowed her eyebrows.

"What?" She demanded, sounding defensive at his state.

Elliot wanted to tell her, "nothing, let's go."

He turned on his heels and got his shoes on, hearing the clink of her bowl in the skin as she jogged over.

"I heard Civil is coming to school today," Poppy smiled, peering over at Elliot.