Rambling

31

Civil bit down on his lip, hoping to stop it from trembling so much.

He had forgotten what it was like to feel this nervous, he felt as if he was going out on a first date, but a friendly kind— a friend date. He was supposed to be meeting Skylar again, yet...he was having trouble breathing, or even working up the courage to smile. With Poppy and Brock, he just sort of forced himself to be friendly and eventually was with them, until he eventually didn't have to pretend. However, Skylar made him nervous, and he wasn't sure how to explain it, but he just couldn't focus around him.

Maybe because he was the first gay guy to openly hangout with him.

Thinking back to the other night, Civil cringed, and wished that it had gone differently. While with Poppy, she became so nervous about their movie that she bailed, and asked if she could go over to Civil's place instead before they had to deal with Brock. What was worse, was that on their way out, they ran into each other, and it was the most awkward exchanged Civil had ever endured. Poppy couldn't even get two words out without stuttering, and Brock nearly broke his back trying to avoid conversation entirely. The night ended even bitterly when Poppy got a call from Elliot saying they had to go with their father to their mothers house at once. Apparently, they were all getting together to discuss their "family prospects and expectations", which Elliot and Poppy refused to explain to him. This made Civil uncomfortable, since the last big secret kept from him made him so angry he beat his best friend for it. So, with that unsettling though hanging over him, he took a step back from everything.

It wasn't very hard since everyone was avoiding him.

It sent him into a spiral at first, until he decided to finally try his medication that had been stuffed in his desk for weeks. It was difficult, taking a altering drug, it made him woozy and irritated at first, making it hard for him to eat. He didn't tell Elliot, or Poppy, but he had even scheduled a meeting with his therapist, which he was supposed to be seeing once a week since he was released from the hospital. He had been taking his medication for 5 days now, and he felt slightly more better, yet the same. He would get the occasional phone call from Elliot, but nothing personal was discussed, so he kept his problems to himself, as did Elliot. To take away his pain, he swam nearly three times a day.

Oh, and he also wasn't going to school either.

Keeping that a secret from his aunt and uncle was a challenge, since his uncle would always offer him a ride. Normally, he would just leave the school once he showed up, but that left him struggling in town until his uncle picked him up at the end of the day. Now, he couldn't care, and wouldn't even get in his uncles car. When his uncle got the call that he hadn't shown up for five days, he was expecting an explosion of questions and hatred. When his uncle called him into the kitchen, he was ready to fall apart, yet his uncle merely cracked open a beer and slid it over to Civil.

"Come work in my shop."

That was it. No questions, no interrogation, only one demand. Instead of smoking outside and playing video games, he spent long hours in his uncle's shop instead of going to school. He didn't really like it, but anything was better than that school with its judging eyes. Since his scars had mostly healed, and he was able to wear short sleeves again, he found that the moment his guard was down, someone was ready to spew lies, and that persons name was Jenny. He didn't have the time to deal with her, nor his avoiding friends, so he worked until his eyes were sore and his nose burned from the smell. 

Civil brushed his hair once again, finding it annoying that he was caring so much about how he looked. It wasn't that he necessarily cared, he just didn't want to look like he tried to hard, and not hard enough.

Why was he doing this?

He didn't really know. He wasn't all there at the moment, but Skylar was a distraction he needed. Actually...he was a distraction that he wanted. Elliot was speaking less and less the more his family got into business, and Poppy was also tangled up in the mess which kept her off her phone. Brock, who nearly bent over backwards avoiding talking to him, was staying so far away that he didn't have to try to ignore him, he just wasn't there. The only one trying, was Skylar, and he just couldn't find the words to say no. They talked everyday, all day, late into the night, leaving him smiling throughout the night. He would wake up to find some random photo from Skylar, like one time it was a random shot of eggs he was shaking in a pan. It was the little things, but Civil found himself nervously waiting for Skylar to show, heart racing.