One Chicago Life

Scout

"Kayce? I have a surprise for you. Where you at?" Jay asked as he came in the house.
I stayed still in the bed, pretending to be asleep. I was in a funk, having panic attacks and not able to sleep. I was trying to hide it from Jay but obviously I was terrible at it.
Jay dragged me out of bed as I grumbled all the way to the living room. He took me to a dog bed with the cutest German Shepard in it. He tilted his head  at me as I came closer to him. Jay said, "this is Scout. He is a trained guard dog and is in the Police academy. I was hoping we could keep him here with us. What do you think?" Jay asked with a slight smile. I bent down and let Scout sniff my hand. His tail wagged happily. "I think I like him. As long as he likes Blakely we can keep him here." Jay cheered, "I already have that covered." He grabbed a baby blanket and let Scout sniff it. He told Scout all about her. He seemed to understand. Jay went and got her from her swing and let the bonding begin. I was very pleasantly surprised.
Scout was such a good dog. He worked with Jay three days a week and stayed home with his girls the rest of the time. He never barked, he always stayed by me or Blakely and he was pretty good at snuggling when he wanted to. I was slowly coming out of my funk. I could finally hear out of both ears but would get ringing occasionally.
I took Blakely and Scout to the park one day while Jay. Blakely enjoyed the swing while Scout enjoyed a game of fetch. We went back home so that I could do my twice weekly group zoom meeting therapy session.
I had joined this group that "met" with women who were struggling with depression and anxiety all over the country. There was small groups of ten of us at a time. It seemed to be helping quite a bit. I still felt like a failure and had a lot of anxiety. I had become friends with one girl named Olivia. We would text each other quite frequently. She looked familiar to me but something seemed off about her. I just couldn't put my finger on it.
Olivia seemed to be wearing a lot of makeup at the next zoom session. She seemed more anxious and uptight. I tried FaceTiming her afterward but she didn't answer. I then texted her, "I am here if you ever need help." I stared at a picture I snuck of her during the meeting. I finally realized she looked a lot like my friend Jenna from college. We had a lot of the same classes. It could be her if she was wearing a wig. Blakely brought me out of my thoughts. She woke up from her nap. "Hey sweet baby girl. Did you have a good nap?" She cooed and smiled. She had found her voice and was starting to babble a little. I changed her diaper then fed her. We snuggled for awhile and then I decided to actually make some dinner tonight. I put Blake in her gym on the floor. Scout crawled next to her and took his position of guarding her. I smiled at the love and patience he already had for Blakely. She usually had a handful of his fur in her chubby little hands.
I made my best chicken Parmesan. Today had been one of the first days I was feeling like me again.
Jay came home just as I was finishing dinner. He scooped up Blakely and came into the kitchen. "How's my girls today?" I smiled and kissed him. "We are actually really good today." Jay wrapped his free arm around me and we danced for a moment before sitting down to eat. We then went for a walk after dinner. Blakely was tired from the busy day and went to sleep without a fight.
Jay and I snuggled in bed while watching a movie. I got an impulse and went with it. I grabbed the remote and turned the tv off. I started kissing his neck and slowly making my way down his shirtless chest. He laughed with excitement. We quickly discarded our clothes and made love for the first time since before we had Blakely.
Before falling asleep Jay traced some of my scars with his finger. "It feels so good to have you back Kaycie, I don't know what I would do without you." Jay said. "It feels wonderful to feel like me again."