Cricket: Ember's Story

Eyes in the dark

"Hey, you hungry?" I ask Adam, sitting down beside him on our dumpster-found couch the day after my first NA meeting.

I brought home McDonalds because I made good money today. I got a little bit of everything for everyone. Gus likes chicken nuggets, Adam and Hex are all about the fries, and Jesse appreciates a burger every now and then. I already ate my Happy Meal, which is good because everyone else makes fun of me for still eating those.

Adam glances into the bag and says, "Nah."

"But I got you fries," I say.

He shrugs. "I don't feel right."

"Right how?"

"I don't know. Just feel off somehow."

"Crashing?" I ask. That's something speed freaks do when they're coming down off the high, but usually they're starving.

Adam nods. He's been really amping up his usage lately, not like he's a full blown toothless tweaker or something, but he's on his way. He's so beautiful now, but by the time he's 30 he'll look 60 if he doesn't cut it out. Hex told me she's worried about him, and that made me worry because Hex never worries about anyone.

"You're using a lot lately," I note.

He shrugs. "So?"

"Just sayin'."

"Why do you care what I do?"

"I don't. Do whatever you want. I just noticed, that's all."

I hate meth. It turns all three of them into such paranoid assholes. Even Gus gets all snippy. People say heroin is the worst drug you can do, but really it's meth. Heroin might make you a junkie, but meth makes you a monster. 

"Did you write today?" I ask.

Adam has a new story. It's his darkest one yet. We're all neck deep in it and dying for him to write more.

"I will later," he says.

Gus and Hex walk in the door at that moment. Without saying hi, Hex marches over and steals the McDonalds bag right out of my hand.

"Bitch!" I shout playfully.

I go to grab it back. Riiiip... the bag hangs open like an unzipped coat. Fries spill out onto the floor, along with Jesse's burger and Gus's chicken nuggets, both of which I grab.

"Look what you did!" Hex and Adam both shout at the same time. At me. Like I started it.

"If you hadn't fucking grabbed it-"

"I borrowed it!" Hex replies with a sassy flip of her hair.

I roll my eyes and then catch a glimpse of Gus. Gus always comes back vacant after turning tricks. I seriously think his spirit leaves his body when he's out there, 'cause his eyes are blank. It takes him an hour or so to get back to normal. It's kind of creepy but not unheard of. Some people are just really good at dissociating. I wish I could do that sometimes. Disappear. Slice my soul from my body and then let them find their way back together when they feel like it. Everything I go through, I go through all of it, all the way.

"Got your favorite," I say, waving the box of nuggets at him.

Gus finds his stuffed dog in his sleeping bag and curls up with it. "Not hungry," he whispers.

"Come on, Gus. You want these assholes to take it?" I say, trying to make him smile.

I know if he smiles, he's okay.

Gus hides his face in the stuffed animal and shrugs. I get pissed for no good reason and snap at Adam and Hex.

"Shut up! What the hell happened to him?"