Cricket: Ember's Story

Make it right

The next day, the social worker comes to see me. She's young, hispanic, and beautiful. I was expecting someone like that dumpy nurse last night, but I don't see the lines of wear on her face and the heaviness in her eyes that social workers usually have. I come to the conclusion that this woman must be new to the profession. She hasn't burned out yet, which might make her hard to deal with. You can get away with much more when they're tired of this job and all the bullshit it entails. I watched my mom do it. She played them like music.

"Hi, Ember. I'm Soledad Cruz," she says, shaking my hand.

I'm sitting up in my hospital bed eating the lunch one of the nurses brought me; chicken nuggets, rice, a cup of fruit and a chocolate chip cookie. I haven't had food like this in a long time, and I'm eating like a wolf. Hot damn I'm hungry, hungrier than I've ever been, and all I want is meat. It's this vicious and blood-thirsty craving I've never experienced. Usually I want stuff like pizza and chips. Maybe I am a wolf.

"Looks yummy," Soledad says, nodding at my cafeteria tray.

I blush. "I'm really hungry for some reason."

"And you want meat right?" she asks.

"Yeah! How did you-"

"It's because of the blood lost while giving birth. I think so anyway. The iron. The protein. It happened to me the day after my daughter was born, and I ate a triple decker burger in two minutes flat on the way home from the hospital." She laughs, and I chuckle.

"So let's talk about what you can do to regain custody of your son," she says as I start in on my fruit cup.

I nod. My full stomach is fluttery. I feel so nervous like Jesse's right behind me. I haven't thought much about him today because that thought is scary.

"Where is he? The baby?" I ask.

"He's in NICU, withdrawing."

I swallow a bite of peaches and look down at my lap. When she sees I have no comment about that, Soledad continues with fresh (and forced) friendliness.

"First, getting clean. You'll be required to take weekly drug tests over a twelve month period and attend a minimum of 40 Narcotics Anonymous meetings during that time. You'll also be meeting with me monthly. By the end of the year, you will need to be employed full time and have a permanent residence. If you don't meet those requirements, your son will be put up for adoption and your parental rights will be terminated. Do you understand?"

"I've already stopped using," I mumble hopefully, like I'm trying to win back her good graces and not look like the colossal piece of shit I actually am.

"Good. So you shouldn't have any trouble then," she says with a small smile.

Yeah, no trouble at all. Unless Jesse finds out what I'm doing. Then I'm as good as dead. I probably should have died in that bathroom. Who the hell found me anyway, and why? Why didn't they just take the baby and leave me there?

I know withdrawal, and the very thought of it hurts my bones. I think about Cricket screaming in agony as I stuff my face with chicken nuggets, and I really can't stand myself. I'm suddenly not hungry anymore.

"Has Jesse been to see me at all?" I ask Soledad.

She looks at me blankly. "Who?"

"My boyfriend. The father."

She stares.

"Of the baby. The one who brought me."

"No one has been here, and no one brought you," she says softly.