Cricket: Ember's Story

Gus is not okay

Gus is not okay.

Over the coming days I notice him going down hard into a binge. I've never seen him this bad before. I've seen him high, sure, but not this spun. Not like Adam. Not 'til now.

"Hey Gus, how you doin'?" I ask a couple days after West and I almost hooked up.

Gus's head spins around so fast it's like that kid from the Exorcist. His pupils are huge, like an owl's. He has been smoking literally nonstop all day, and it's almost five o'clock. Seeing someone like that, I mean that cranked, makes you believe in the devil, makes you believe that he wants this; he wants Gus's soul like he wanted Adam's, and he's going to get it.

"Ember!" Gus says happily. "Did you know I went to Heaven today? I saw Adam. I want pizza. God is like a giant butterfly. Did you notice the snow is making noise? Like, fuzz, fuzz, fuzz. No, shut up! I don't want to go ice skating! I want chocolate! Did you see my elf? He sings Jingle Bells! I named him DJ Elf Smash."

Gus starts laughing hysterically. I just stand there, stunned. Not one single thought makes any sense or belongs with the others. He's just talking, spewing words like a blender with the top off.

"Gus, how much have you smoked?" I ask with concern.

Gus's huge owl eyes look through me, like I'm invisible.

His response: "There's fire in my ear and it's saying I'm the One."

Jesse, who just walked in, raises an eyebrow. God I wish Hex would come back. I'm cracking under the weight of my grief for Adam, forbidden love for West, fear of Jesse, worry about Gus and confusion about all of it! I need someone else who's sane and capable to take over for me or I'll break into a million pieces!

"Your ear is not on fire," Jesse says, shaking a small bindle of dope over a blackened spoon.

"Jesse, he is out of his mind! What do we do?" I ask frantically.

Gus starts singing Joy to the World at the top of his lungs.

"How the fuck should I know what to do? I don't touch that crazy shit he's on," Jesse says.

"We can't lose Gus too," I say, my voice cracking. "We lost Adam just like this! It started like this! Then it was paranoia! After that he was violent! Then he fucking died! He DIED! His heart fucking exploded!"

Jesse pauses for a moment before going back to preparing his fix. For a second, he gives me what I've been desperate for: his full attention.

"Ember, I hate it too. I'm worried too. But what do you want me to do? What, exactly? Tell me, and I'll do it," he says softly, looking me right in the eye.

I don't know. God I don't know! Just make all this STOP!

I want to scream but I know it won't help. Gus is still on the edge. He hasn't started being paranoid or violent yet. I can still stop this insanity before it's too late and there's another body in the leaves.

I don't answer Jesse. Instead I run to Gus's room. The glass pipe is there on top of his sleeping bag next to his stuffed dog and sketchbook. I don't even have to look for it. I grab it and stuff it in my pocket. It's still hot, warming my thigh through the thin fabric of my jeans.

I glance down at the open sketchbook and see about a thousand portraits of Adam. I pick it up for a closer look. The next four pages are dedicated to Adam. Over and over and over, Gus has drawn him with characteristically creepy precision. I pause at one, the death scene, Adam's body in the leaves surrounded by garbage. I'm shaking uncontrollably.

"Hey!"

I drop the sketchbook and whirl around. It's Gus. He doesn't look angry, just curious.

"Hi," I say brightly, trying to act nonchalant.