Cricket: Ember's Story

The Dark Night

Come December it's so freezing we have to find another squat. Ever since we got robbed, living under the bridge has become impossible. It's simply too cold. We could have maybe done it, albeit uncomfortably, with all the winter gear we used to have, but now we're in real danger of freezing to death while we sleep.

The new place is in way worse condition than the mansion and smells like rat shit and body odor from others who came before us and left their nasty stink behind. Adam stalked the house for a few days, watching for other squatters, but no one ever came. That makes the place ours. Rule of the streets.

It's a one story box in one of the toughest neighborhoods. We had to get permission to squat here from the drug dealer who runs the block. Luckily he knew a friend of Adam's who could vouch for us. We all still buy from Doc though. I've gone to lots of other dealers to get Jesse dope because it's just more convenient when I'm doing my "panhandling" or "hanging out with Hex." Doc has never done us wrong, so I know I'm running a risk every time I bring Jesse an unknown bindle, but some days I just don't have the time as I race to keep up with all my lies.

Adam is spiraling. It started the day we got robbed. I think it just broke something inside of him. He hasn't been the same since then, not by a long shot, and just now he's finally starting to crash after a five day meth binge.

I catch him in a rare moment of lucidity this morning, sitting on a metal chair we dragged out of a junk yard and looking out the front window.

"You want breakfast?" I ask.

Hex is gone and Gus and Jesse are still asleep in the two bedrooms down the hall.

Adam shakes his head absently. Lately he's been acting really crazy; seeing stuff, yelling at everyone and being so paranoid. No one has been able to have a real conversation with him.

"You gonna let yourself come down today?" I ask him.

He turns to look at me. My eyes immediately go to the stitches that Hex hasn't had a chance to take out yet. The gash is healing, but it still looks incredibly painful.

"Hell no," he says.

"Adam, you haven't slept in, like, three days."

He shrugs. "I'm fine."

"No you're not! Don't you want to be in your right mind when Hex has this baby? We're worried about you. All of us," I say.

At that moment Jesse comes in. He must have heard the conversation because he says,

"She's right, you know. I know I've said this before, but you really have a problem. It's getting scary. Not even Gus uses like you do."

"I don't have a problem," Adam mumbles.

"We don't blame you for the robbery," I say. I nudge Jesse in the ribs when he says nothing.

"Yeah, no one does," he pipes in when he feels my elbow.

Adam only shrugs in response. I can tell our words don't touch him. I'm not sure where he is these days, but he seems so lost and sad.

"Adam? Did you hear us? We're worried," I repeat. "When the baby comes-"

Adam turns around so fast, and his face is so angry as he charges towards me that I actually flinch, thinking that he might hit me.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT THAT!" he screams. His fist goes through the wall next to my head and I am frozen with fear. If that had been my face, he would've broken my jaw. I've never seen him this mad, not ever. His chill personality is gone. His rage matches Jesse's on his worst days.