Cricket: Ember's Story

Confessions

After the meeting, West and I walk a block to a little coffee shop that's open late. He's mostly quiet, and I get the impression that he doesn't mind the silence, that it's not awkward for him. But I'm sweating and nervous.

"I can't stay long," I tell him, thinking about Jesse.

"Me neither. Just don't wanna go home," West replies.

He opens the door of the shop for me. It's not late, only about nine o'clock, but the place is mostly empty.

"You live alone?" I ask.

"I have three roommates. It gets loud," he explains.

West orders us two small coffees and we sit at a table in the back. I always pour in a bunch of sugar and creamers, and I feel him watching me as I open each individual one. My trash makes a small mountain in the middle of the table. When I look up, he's smirking.

"What? I hate black coffee," I say defensively.

"You might as well drink chocolate milk."

"I just like sweet stuff."

"Oh yeah? What's your favorite?"

"Peanut butter and chocolate, but my friend Adam, I guess you can call him a roommate, loves Reese's so I can't keep 'em around. And my other roommate, Gus, loves every candy. So in general I don't get sweets much."

"They steal your candy?" West asks, cracking a smile. "The bastards."

I laugh. "It's not like that. We just- well, everything we have belongs to everyone. That's the way it is with us. Nobody hoards stuff. We share everything. Always have."

"So who else do you live with?" West asks.

"My best friend, Hex. She's dating Adam."

"Ah, so you must be dating Gus."

I laugh, almost spitting out a sip of coffee. "No! He's, like, way young. Only fifteen. More like a little brother. We're just all roommates. My boyfriend is named Jesse, and he lives with us too."

"Fifteen? Where the hell are his parents?"

"Hex and Adam are seventeen. They're all runaways and trying to stay out of the system."

West nods and thankfully doesn't ask any more questions about my living situation. I glance nervously at the clock above the cash register. I'm going to have to score Jesse some good dope so he doesn't question my absence too deeply.

"So do you feel a little better than you did?" I ask.

"Better?"

"Yeah. The last meeting you were at, you were..."

"You remember that? God. Embarrassing," West mumbles.

"It's not embarrassing. You're human," I say.

"Yeah well nothing has changed. My dad still won't talk to me. Not like I can blame him."

"What happened anyway?"

I'm not expecting him to be honest, but it's worth a shot.

"Look, when you're an addict you just fuck a lot of things up. Everyone who's not an addict hates you, but no one hates you like you hate yourself," he says.

"I know what that's like. It hurts to be in your skin. You just wanna jump out of yourself. It's like being in a boat that's sinking, but you're the boat."

West smiles and points a finger at me. "Perfect analogy."

"Trust me, I know what it's like to hate yourself."