Cricket: Ember's Story

Halloween

Hex has started showing, and things are getting harder for her... and the rest of us. Several nights a week we're sleeping under the bridge. We've invested in a handgun, thermal clothing, waterproof blankets and higher quality sleeping bags. Most recently we toyed with the idea of buying a tent but in the end decided it would accomplish just as much as the ceiling of the bridge, in that it would only keep out the rain/snow but not the cold, which is by far the worst part of it.

The only saving grace is that 3 or 4 times a week, we're able to get a room. That's all because of Adam and Gus. They've started turning tricks at these underground parties they find online, and they make a ton of cash doing it, but the bad part is they're both smoking meth again and most of that money is going to drugs. Adam claims it keeps them warm, which is true, and that it makes doing whatever they do at those parties easier, which I don't know for sure but imagine is probably true too.

Hex isn't happy about it but seems to view it as a necessity in our current situation. She tells Adam not to overdo it, and he assures her he's not, and won't.

At her last doctor's appointment, we got some great news. Hex's belly is big enough now they can do the ultrasound with the wand and jelly like in all the movies, so we can really see everything. It looks like a real baby now. We can even watch it moving.

"You can see the legs kicking here," the doctor says, pointing them out.

Adam turns his head sideways. "So its body is here?"

"No, there's its head. It's sleeping with its hands up by its face. See the fingers?" she asks.

Adam smiles. "Aww... yeah I do! It moves a lot when it sleeps."

"So do people. It's just not as noticeable. And... right now I have the perfect view. I can tell you what it is... if you want to know the sex?"

Hex looks at Adam, and they both grin.

"Yeah, tell us!" Adam says.

The doctor smiles. "It's a little girl. Congratulations."

Adam whoops with joy, and Hex brightens. "Really? You sure?"

"Fairly certain. See here, we call this the hamburger. It's the inner and outer labia. When you see the hamburger on an ultrasound, it's a tell-tale sign it's female."

"Oh my God," Hex whispers, and she grabs Adam's hand. "A daughter."

"Can we name her Daisy?" Adam asks excitedly.

"Daisy? Like the flower? That's a little cutesy..." Hex says. I can tell she dislikes the name, but I'm wondering if she knows the story about Adam's sister.

"Because she'll be adorable! Come on!" Adam begs.

Hex just laughs and shakes her head. "Baby, I'll think about it. That's all I can promise."

——————

West is not at next week's meeting, or the next, or the next. A whole month passes by without him, and now it's already the end of October. Grace is worried.

"I wish I had his number," she says, looking through her bright pink fanny pack like it might be there.

"Me too," I say.

I'm certain he's relapsed and I feel terrible, like I had something to do with it or something. He was one of the only things that made these meetings tolerable, but I still come for Cricket's sake.

I haven't had a visit with Cricket since that first one. On our biweekly check ups, Cruz keeps asking me if I wanna see him and I say no.

"I don't get it, Ember. You're completing your requirements, you're working hard, not making excuses, showing up for every test and every meeting, but you're every bit as apathetic about a relationship with your kid as some of the worst deadbeats I've ever encountered in the field. How do you expect to form a relationship with your baby like this?" she asks me in her office on a freezing cold Halloween afternoon.