Are You Sh!tting Me (Modern Cliches, #3)

The Impossible

Where my inability to sleep caused a vampire to fuck up on his very first attempt at using humans as food and me to be thrown into the supernatural world without warning.

Because that is what you want to have happen at three in the fucking morning with an eight hour shift looming three hours away.

~~~~

"I didn't know I could do that." He breathed it out as he let the bat go and I screeched, swinging it wildly at him again. He leapt away from me, clinging to my wall like a goddamned spider. I gave another screech and threw the bat at him, scrambling away from him as I hit the bed. He caught it easily and I gave another rather loud screech, pressing myself against my head board. "Shit! Fuck! I'm sorry!" He scrambled down from where he was clinging on my wall as he gave a rather heavy wince. "I scared you. I didn't mean too!" He lightly tossed the bat onto the bed so it landed near my feet. "There, you can have your bat back, just stop screeching. It hurts my ears." He rubbed at them slightly and I grabbed the bat, holding it tightly to my chest as my heart felt like it was racing a hundred miles a minutes.

"Oh my fucking god!" He could cling to walls, he caught my bat swing. What the fuck was he?! "Oh my god!" I felt myself start to hyperventilate as I stared at him. What the fuck was going on? I felt like I couldn't get air into my lungs as I gasped.

He came closer, holding out his hands, looking almost panicked. "It's okay, breathe. I didn't mean to scare you. Just breathe, dude. I didn't know I could do that." He came around the side of the bed and leaned towards me. "It's okay, just breathe. Big breaths." I followed his instructions and he smiled, showing off two rather sharp looking fangs in his mouth and I gave another screech, scrambling away from him. Which resulted in me landing on my bedroom floor with a yelp as my head slammed against it rather hard.

I grabbed my head and groaned, twisting so I could sit up. "The fuck is going on?" My unwelcome visitor came around to my side of the bed and grabbed my arms, lifting me easily and setting me on my bed. I stared at him with wide eyes at the rather serious display of strength before he grabbed my bat and set it on my lap, putting my hands on it.

He sat on the floor in front of me. "This is a little confusing for me too. I'm new at this." He winced and ran his hands through his hair, tugging on it lightly. "It's okay though. I'm not going to hurt you." He clasped his hands together and I blinked at him, pinching my lips together as I finally gripped my bat tightly with my fingers. I tried hard to calm the frantic beating of my heart as I inhaled and exhaled as evenly as I could to prevent another hyperventilation attack.

"You..." I swallowed hard as I rolled what he said over in my brain. "You are a vampire." He had fangs, fucking fangs. He gave a quick nod, giving me a rather apologetic smile. "Vampires aren't real." I shook my head rapidly. Vampires belonged in books, on paper, not in my bedroom.

"I didn't think so either, dude, but here I am." He gave a small chuckle as he gestured to himself.

"That's not funny." I narrowed my eyes on him, tightening my grip on the bat a fraction. As much as I knew Barbie was utterly useless against him, it did make me feel better.

He frowned slightly as he titled his head at me. "I didn't think it was." He gave a small shake of his head before he gave a small scoff. "Dude, I was just chilling with my friends on a night out like two weeks ago and I woke up like this." He gestured to himself once more. "No memory of what happened, not able to go out in sunlight, fangs, ability to climb walls, blood drinking. All of it. This is new to me too." He looked disgruntled and I felt a little faint.

"You wanted to drink my blood?" That was why he was in my apartment. That was why he came in my window. I felt like I needed some air, or to bash his head in but we all knew what happened the last time I tried that.

"Well not you specifically, you just happened to be the only window open but I wanted to try the whole vampire sneaking thing." He shrugged a little as he looked at me and I swallowed heavily once more.

"Well it didn't work, you sounded like a fucking elephant." A herd of them, breaking my shit and cursing like no one's business. "It's three in the morning, buddy. I have work tomorrow." I knew there was very little chance of getting to sleep before then and I wanted to groan, the last thing I wanted to figure out right now was a vampire and dealing with literal supernatural shit going on.

"I'm really sorry. I wanted to try and sneak in and leave before you would notice but that clearly didn't work." He grumbled slightly, hunching his shoulders forward looking like a dejected and disgruntled puppy.

"Why can't you sneak in and out?" It didn't make sense. Every bit of media I saw about vampires had them all fluid and graceful, able to move as silent as the night. He had... not been like that. At all.

"I've only been like this two weeks, I don't have anyone telling me how to be a vampire. I'm flying a little blind. I can surf but this vampire business? Beyond me, dude." He shook his head as he said it and I frowned.

"Stop calling me dude. It's Sam, or Sammi if you must." I didn't particularly like being called Sammi but it was my name and I would deal but it was better than dude. I wasn't a frat boy.

"Epic name, Sammi. I'm Jake." He stuck his hand out towards me with an easy grin that showed off his fangs once more and I shuddered at it even as I reached out and took his hand, giving it a slight shake before I pulled away quickly.

"Teeth. Little disconcerting there." I rubbed my own tongue over my canines and winced.

Jake shrugged. "Not much I can do about it. They are there when I am hungry." He tapped one with a nail, the faint clicking sending another shudder down my spine.

There was a vampire. Sitting in my room and he was calling me dude. How many levels of fucked up was I right now because I honesty believed I was in some sort of hell plane that I had somehow managed to slip into.

A vampire. With fucking fangs. I wanted to laugh.