Are You Sh!tting Me (Modern Cliches, #3)

The Blood Substitute

Where I trusted a random tumblr post I found on facebook and struck gold and Jake and I try it out. It's a good thing Jake likes coconuts.

Score one for the miserably tired human being that is me!

~~~~~

I picked up my phone and exited out of the browser and pulled up my facebook. After that little excitement I was feeling fucking exhausted and I figured I could check out my facebook for a little bit before I would need my blue light cancelling glasses. I heaved out a sigh, rubbing at my chest. I didn't want to get into the fact Jake was a himbo, that really wasn't on my to do list.

"I'm sorry, Sammi. I should have said something before picking you up." Jake crouched beside my chair, touching my arm gently.

I glanced at him and nearly winced as his puppy dog eyes. "It's fine. Just don't do it again. Thought I would have a heart attack." I resisted the urge to glare at him for it, that felt like I would be kicking a puppy. Only horrible people kicked puppies and I was defo not one of them.

He stood up abruptly and swiftly kissed my cheek again. "You are just the sweetest, you know that? Like you are absolutely amazing and totally awesome!" At the genuine compliment I felt my cheeks go red and I buried my face in my phone, hoping Jake would wander off and stop staring at me so intently. He didn't. The absolute jerk and horrible, horrible hot himbo brushed some of my hair away from my face, tucking it behind my ear. "You're totally beautiful, Sammi, did you know that?" He said it softly and I felt my throat want to close up at the pure sincerity his voice had so I shrugged, not trusting myself to speak. "I'm dead serious." He bent down and kissed my cheek again, his lips lingering on my skin for a few brief moments that had the redness rushing back to the front as I blushed hard.

With that he moved away, taking his strange sort of intensity with him as he did so. I felt weak and my heart did its stupid little flutter thumps as my cheek tingled where he kissed it. I was in trouble. So much fucking trouble. I didn't even know what I was going to do with myself. I was fucked. So utterly fucked. I had a moment of clarity that I would probably end up having sex with Jake. I had literally no ability to keep him at arm's length and I had a feeling if he even alluded to it that I would have no ability to say no and would instead jump on him without saying anything.

I forced myself to focus on my facebook wall, scrolling through it almost mechanically. Aside from my family and friends, I didn't have much but meme pages I liked and followed. I tried hard to get lost in the small blips of normalcy and the funny images but it was hard because I was hyper aware of the sounds Jake was making as he seemed to wander around my apartment.

I was just about to give up entirely when my eyes caught the word vampire. I paused in scrolling and looked at the cropped tumblr post from one of the pages I followed. Coconut water as a blood substitute and vegan vampires. I blinked rapidly. Coconut water. I bolted upright and grabbed my purse. It didn't hurt to try it.

"I'll be right back." I closed my phone and practically bolted for the door, as much to get coconut water as it was to escape Jake's intensity. I closed the door behind me and headed for the elevator quickly. I needed the brief break. I really did. I needed the air and the space so that I could clear my head and figure out just what to do.

The walk to the corner store wasn't that long and I headed in with a nod to the clerk before I headed to the drink aisle. There were a few options for coconut water and I grabbed one of each before heading to the check out. I paid for them quickly and headed out of the store and back towards my apartment. While the small excursion did calm me down, I didn't really think much about what to do with Jake. I did appreciate not having my thoughts consumed by him for a moment or two.

However it took me very little time to return to my apartment and I stared at the door with a heavy sigh. There wasn't much I could do about it. Very little in fact. With that thought I unlocked the door and headed inside. Jake peeked his head around the opening to the kitchen and grinned at me. "You weren't gone too long!" He looked so excited to see me that he reminded me of a big old golden retriever that was so utterly happy their owner was home and I felt myself melting.

"I didn't want to be gone long. I wanted to try something." I moved into the apartment, closing the door behind me. I moved into the kitchen and set the two bottles, a can, and a carton, of coconut water on the counter top. Jake hovered around me slightly and I could practically feel him vibrating with his curiosity. "I read something that said coconut water could be used as a blood substitute. So I figured why not give it a try?" I grabbed the one bottle and held it out to him, he took it with a look of wariness. "You don't have to swallow it, if you feel you can't drink it, that's fine. I can use it."

He nodded before cracking it open and taking the lid off. He lifted it to his nose and sniffed, he paused for a moment before he took a drink. He paused, his eyebrows furrowing before he swallowed and grinned. "Fucking gnarly! That tastes wicked!" He practically inhaled the bottle and I handed him the other one, he proceeded to down that one as well before crushing the bottle. "Fuckin' crushed it! I feel full!" He nearly bounced up and down in his spot and I worried my bottom lip with my teeth, watching him for any signs that it would be bad for him but honestly it didn't seem like it.

"Fucking A, Sammi!" He pulled me into a tight hug. "You are fucking awesome! Just the best." He gave me a heavy kiss to the cheek before he let me go and grabbed one of the cans with a whoop. "No more rats for me! Fuck yah!" He proceeded to wiggle with excitement and I felt a lightness enter my chest.

Fucking score one for the perpetually tired.

Jake was right, I was fucking awesome.