Are You Sh!tting Me (Modern Cliches, #3)

The Sunburn

Where I have another unremarkable day at work and I come home from work to find Jake hiding in the pantry, red like a lobster. I swear to god I have never laughed so hard. Baby vamp forgot he couldn't be out in the sun and got himself a sunburn.

What a dumbass, a hot and adorable one but a dumbass none-the-less.

~~~

I got off the bus with a sigh. I was exhausted, which sucked because I had gotten four hours of sleep. I mean it was no full eight hours but it was better than the three I had the night before. Although I had a feeling that my exhaustion had come more from dealing with Dan the Creeper Man several times through out the day at work. A part of me really hoped that he slipped outside and someone accidentally ran him over so we could have a break from him for a few weeks. I knew that was horrible for me to think but the asshole had pinched my ass shortly after the bookstore opened and I had started my shift. It really set the mood for the entire day.

What was worse was the fact that he had done it where he knew there was a blind spot with the security cameras so it was once again his word against a woman's and if there was one thing Dan really liked, it was that exact fucking scenario. I gave a sneer of disgust at that. Even though Laritzia tended to default to us with believing the shit he did, having definitive proof, such as catching him on video, would have made it so much easier to get rid of him from the premises permanently.

I looked up at my apartment building and gave another sigh. I wondered what Jake had done for the day. He had seemed to despondent that I was leaving for work that I felt almost bad for the guy. I understood that he slept through the day and his only time for socializing was a few hours before I started my combat insomnia routine, but I had to work. So I felt for him a bit but at the same time, he was fucking nocturnal. I couldn't exactly be nocturnal with him.

I moved up to the main doors and waved my keys with my key card against the scanner and the door buzzed, letting me in. I headed straight for the elevator, rubbing the back of my neck with a groan. I really wished I could have kicked Dan in the balls. It would have made the day so much better and I knew it would have perked me up. At least then I wouldn't have felt like I had twenty pound sand bags on my eyelids. Each blink was a slow one that demanded I lay down on the nearest flat surface and go to sleep.

I pressed the call button for the elevator and yawned so wide my jaw creaked slightly, my eyes watering. I honestly hoped Jake didn't mind me crashing earlier for bed. I wanted to get as much sleep as I possibly could with my insomnia riddled brain. I knew he would looked like a kicked down when I told him. He seemed super social so I felt for him and the fact he was rooming with a perpetually tired human being who was about as social as a wet paper bag was a poor situation for him but still.

I was actually quite surprised. Even though he stayed up during the night and wandered around, he did keep quiet and never actually woke me up at all. I would wake up and then hear him but he never actually did anything that would wake me up himself. Which I did appreciate and I told him so this morning, which he was super excited about, but it was strange getting used to having another person in my apartment.

The elevator doors opened up and I stepped inside, pressing the button for my floor and leaned back against the rail as the elevator took me upwards. I yawned again, giving a small curse as I did so. I hated working with the public, I hated dealing with Dan, I hated the public in general but Laritzia paid us really well. I mean I was able to afford a single bedroom apartment on my wage, utilities included in my rent, as well as buy groceries and pay for my phone bill and even started a small savings. I was doing alright and even if I was struggling I knew my parents wouldn't mind helping me out. However the wage I was paid kept me firmly at the bookstore and dealing with the public.

I honestly would have loved to have a night job, one where I wouldn't have to deal with the public as much. I mean I wasn't sleeping at night anyway so it made sense in my mind to have a job I could do during the night so at least I could make some money off of my insomnia. The elevator came to a stop and I walked out as the door opened, thankful that I didn't have to ride with anyone else and make small talk. I fiddled with my keys, getting my apartment door one ready as I walked to my apartment.

I unlocked it quickly and closed it shut behind me as I leaned against the wood and let out another sigh, staring at the ceiling. I closed my eyes and frowned at the distinct lack of noise in my apartment. "Jake?" I kicked off my shoes onto the porch mat and moved further into the apartment. I couldn't see Jake and I noticed that the blackout curtains weren't entirely closed in the middle, still letting a bit of the evening sun into my apartment. I walked over to them and closed them tight so that no light could get through. "Jake, I'm home." I said it a bit louder as I moved towards the kitchen table, tossing my keys and purse onto it.

"I had to deal with Dan the Man again today. Fucking creeper pinched my ass." I muttered angrily underneath my breath as I pulled off my jacket. "What did you do?" I raised my voice again and there was a muffle sound from the pantry and I made my way over to it before knocking on the door. "What was that?"

"Can you get me a can of coconut water?" The words were muffled but understandable.

"Sure." I moved back to the kitchen and grabbed a can from the counter where I had shoved all of the others that I had bought after our test session had succeeded. It was best to be stocked up. I headed back to the pantry and opened the door and my mouth dropped open.

"Don't laugh!" Jake was so embarrassed I could practically taste it as I blinked rapidly at the bright red creature sitting in my pantry.

"What happened?" I was looking at a man who looked like he had dipped himself in into red paint.

"I forgot I couldn't go out into the sun and looked out the window this morning." He muttered the words out and laughter burbled up into my throat so quickly that I had to pinch my lips together tightly to keep them at bay. He looked up at me and stuck his bottom lip out. "Don't laugh! I wanted to make sure you were able to get on the bus. I just forgot about the whole vampire and sun don't mix thing, okay? It's not funny!" I swallowed the building laughter and shook my head before I held up a finger and passed him the can before hastily leaving the pantry.

I nearly succeeded in keeping the laughter down when the image of him sitting so dejectedly on the pantry floor, as red as a lobster popped into my mind and I burst into laughter, unable to help myself. I laughed hard and struggled to breathe through the tears and the pain in my sides as I tried to make it to the fridge. "Not cool, Sammi!" At his words my laughter got worse and I nearly doubled over.

"He forgot!" It came out as a wheeze and I wiped at my eyes, my sides aching as I grabbed the fridge handle. "He forgot he was a vampire!" The wheezing words caused another round of laughter that had me actually sitting on the kitchen floor as I tried my damnedest to get it to stop. He forgot he was a fucking vampire. The baby vampire himbo forgot he couldn't be in the sun and got himself a wicked sunburn. I wasn't even making sound, just wheezing as I physically hurt from the amusement and joy that the information and visual had given me.

It took me several minutes to calm myself down and to stop wheeze laughing. I rubbed at my sides, still giggling as I shifted on the floor and pulled open the fridge. The sight of the aloe vera on the door was enough to give me another giggle fit. I grabbed it and stood up on shaky legs as I closed the fridge and headed back to the pantry, wiping at my eyes to clear away the tears that I had laughed out. I closed my eyes and breathed, trying to calm myself before I stepped back into the pantry. I inhaled and exhaled several times just to make sure.

I stepped into the pantry and doubled over with laughter once again at Jake's disgruntled pout as he stared at me. "Totally not funny, Sammi." I damn near choked as I got down onto my knees and held out the aloe towards him. He looked like a fucking lobster.

"I'll help get you covered." I wheezed the words out between bouts of laughter and he looked decidedly unamused, embarrassed, and dejected all at the same time but he nodded all the same. I couldn't look at him as he took the bottle of aloe vera from my hands.

It was moments like these that I hated the fact I had no one to tell about this because I knew my friends would have howled with laughter just like I did.

Fucking vampire forgetting that the sun burned.

That was top tier comedy right there.