Are You Sh!tting Me (Modern Cliches, #3)

The Impossible: Part Two: You Stink

In which I am a fucking idiot because I allow baby vampire to shower up in my apartment.

I'm the type of dumbass person who dies first in a horror movie. This just proves it.

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"And you are hungry now?" I edged away from him slightly as I looked him up and down. I didn't exactly trust him, I mean who would? He had crawled into my fucking window. I wasn't about to forget about that.

"Well yah. Why else would I climb up six stories and fall through your open window?" He gave me a look like he thought I was being stupid before he frowned. "Also why do you have a fan there?"He gestured to the window and then to where my fan lay on the floor.

I scowled at him darkly at the reminder. If he fucking broke my fan I was going to be pissed. "To keep creeps like you out."

He actually winced at that and clutched his dirty shirt in his equally filthy hands. I was going to have to shampoo the carpet once he was gone. "That hurts."He stuck his bottom lip out at me, looking far too cute like that. Even as thin and dirty as he looked, his blue eyes were a little too puppy doggish.

I crossed my arms over my chest with a huff. "Fine, if you must know it's to help me sleep. I don't sleep well and the white noise helps as well as the breeze to keep my room colder. You sleep better in a colder room." I had no idea why I was telling him that but there it was. Like verbal diarrhea, I just couldn't shut up. Tall, vampire, and creepy didn't need to know my medical issues.

"That sucks. I don't think I really sleep either. I mean when the sun is out my body goes really really heavy and I kind of go paralyzed. I guess I could pass out but I'm so paranoid about getting fried I stay awake." He shifted in his spot as he looked up at me.

"Soooo.... are you going to leave?" I gestured to the window and shooed him slightly. He could go away now and I could pretend that this was all an exhaustion fuelled nightmare. I wanted to pretend this was an exhaustion fuelled nightmare.

"Oh... I mean I could but you are the first person I have had an actual conversation with in weeks and it's nice." He looked actually rather hurt and upset at that and I did kind of feel for him. Turning into a vampire and not having anyone to help seemed like it would fucking suck. "Plus I haven't been inside of a building in that long, I can't ever cross the threshold. It's like there is this wall I can't get through." He mimed a wall in front of him with his hands and I paused, tilting my head at him.

Vampires aren't allowed in unless they are invited.

The information struck me and I narrowed my eyes at him once more. "Why could you come in my apartment?" It came out on a snap but I wanted to know exactly how the fuck he had managed that. I pointed at him, adjusting my grip on my bat.

"Oh, I'm guessing an open window without a screen is an invitation to enter. Didn't hit the invisible wall when I tried to come in." He gave me a grin and I returned it with an unimpressed look of my own. His grin faded and he pressed his lips together tightly, glancing at the bat and then up at me. "So note to you, get a screen or keep the window closed."

I scoffed heavily at that. "That does shit all for me now. You are already in here." I gestured at him rather wildly and he shifted in his spot before he nodded.

"True, dude, true." He clasped his hands together and I realized he kind of... well he fucking stunk.

I wrinkled my nose at the smell that was coming off of him. "You smell. What have you been eating?" For all I knew, surfer dude Jake had been living in a dumpster for the last few weeks living off of creepy crawlies.

"Taking blood from pigeons and rats mainly. I could have gone for cats but I'm a cat person, dude. I couldn't do that." He looked almost appalled at the very suggestion and I had to admit I rather appreciated it. I mean I felt a little bit for the rats and the birds but cats were different. At least the guy had some sort of moral compass, climbing into random women's windows aside. "I'm really sorry about the smell. I've been staying in dumpsters, they keep the light out and I can hide under the garbage. I've gotten used to the smell so I'm sorry." His face turned that rather pale pink and he looked seriously ashamed of himself and I was rather impressed I had managed to guess that accurately.

"Okay, are you going to like eat me?" He shook his head immediately at that and a fair bit of relief came through me at it. "Are you sure? Like you could be starving and lose control." That was how it worked in the books and movies. A vampire without blood sometimes went all crazy and just attacked.

He looked rather affronted by that and shook his head. "Do you attack a cow when you are starving for a burger? The same applies here, dude. I am hungry but I don't want to attack anyone. Just want something in my belly. Take the edge off the hunger." He muttered the last part and I felt a bit more relieved at that. So he wasn't going to go all crazy and attack me. I was relieved at the admission. I didn't have to be on edge for him attacking me. "Dude-"

"It's Sam or Sammi, stop calling me dude. I'm not a frat boy." I really didn't like being called dude. It reminded me of my one ex-friend Curtis who made it into a fraternity. He called me dude constantly after he joined. Then he ruined our friendship by trying to get handsy and I told him that his new frat boy cologne smelled like rape charges. I wondered what he was up to for a brief moment before I shook it off. It was better to not know.

"Sorry, I call everyone dude." Jake gave a small shrug before looking up at me.

I heaved out a sigh and rubbed at my face, feeling so incredibly exhausted. "So you don't have a place to stay?" I watched as he shook his head and I gave another sigh. It honestly didn't feel right tossing out on his ass when it was this close to sunrise. Besides I would feel like shit if I didn't help the guy even just for a few hours. "You can shower up in my bathroom and I think I have some spare clothes you can wear." I got up from my bed and he got to his feet so fluidly that I jumped back in surprise.

"Thanks, Sammi! This is way cool of you to do! I mean back at the house my and the dudes would have tossed the dude back out the window." He looked excited as he nearly bounced on his feet and I raised my eyebrows as I gave a slow blink.

"Don't make me change my mind, get out of my bedroom." I pinched my lips together as I pointed to my bedroom door. He nodded rapidly before quickly heading out of my room. I rubbed at my face once more. "Bathroom is to your right." I called it out and could hear him give a rather loud whoop of excitement and I groaned.

I didn't know what the fuck I had gotten myself into but I knew I was going to regret it immensely. Who in their right mind would allow a surfer dude baby vampire use their shower after said vampire crawled through their bedroom window?

Oh I know.

A fucking dumbass.

If this turns out to be a horror movie. I know my dumbass is the first person who's gunna die.