Are You Sh!tting Me (Modern Cliches, #3)

The Job Hunt

Where I lay down the law and tell Jake he needs to get a job. Its not that I don't mind having him being my house bitch, but sitting pretty doesn't pay the bills. My baby vamp doesn't seem to mind too much about my demands though. He is just too kind hearted.

He's a vampire, he needs to learn to brood dammit!

~~~~

I was pushing it. I knew I was. My bank account was practically screaming at me and I was just going to barely scrape by for my bills. Jake had been living with me for a little over a week but his coconut water diet was going to suck me dry. No pun intended.

Okay...

Maybe a little bit intended.

If I didn't laugh about the pitiful amount left in my bank account I was going to cry. This was ridiculous. "You need to get a job." The words burst from me as I set my phone back on the table, running a hand through my hair. "I can't pick up more hours and as sexy as you are, that isn't paying for your daily coconut water intake." I exhaled heavily and could nearly feel Jake move up behind me.

"You think I'm sexy?" At the innocent question that was asked in a very not innocent way coupled with the hot breath that brushed over my ear, I swatted at him, pinching my lips together.

"You know exactly how attractive you are but unless you are going to trick yourself out on a street corner, pretty isn't going to pay these bills or put more money into my back account to cover what we need." I couldn't make the numbers work. If he continued to live here I would need to dip into my savings to cover the added burden of buying that much coconut water and within a few months that would all be gone and I would be left floundering. "I'm not your sugar mama. You need a job." I wasn't nearly old enough or rich enough to play sugar mama to a hot young piece of ass. I wasn't lying that the position was tempting but right now it was beyond my reach.

"But you are totally sweet, Sammi!" He kissed my cheek with a chuckle. "The sweetest sugar mama a vampire could ask for." He would not get away with flattery and he would not avoid this conversation.

"I'm serious, Jake!" I threw my hands up. "You are nearing sixty dollars a week on coconut water. That will bring me to an extra two hundred and fifty dollars a month in groceries that I don't really have and can't afford!" I whirled in my chair, pointing my finger at him. "I cannot afford to keep you around if you don't start pulling your weight and contributing!" He was nearly cross eyed as he stared at the finger I had jabbed in his face.

"Whoa, whoa, Sammi. It's okay." He gently grabbed my hand and lowered it from his face as he looked at me, concern radiating off of him as he moved closer to crouch beside me. He grasped my other hand as he looked up at me, looking far too fucking delectable. "I can totally get a job. Me leeching off you is gnarly. I will totally look for work. I might need a bit of help looking but I will look. I don't like not doing anything and you have been totally cool and sweet to let me stay here as long as you have and I need to be able to repay that. I'm not one of those dudes that just lives off of a chick cause I have no life." He lifted my hands and kissed the back of them, looking up at me as he batted those baby blues.

My libido danced and taunted me with thoughts of him looking up at me with my thighs on either side of his hea- OKAY! NOT GOING THERE!

I didn't know if yelling inside of my head would help but it made me feel better as I viciously beat back my libido, coughing lightly as I pulled my hands from Jake's. "Thank you for taking this seriously, Jake. I don't want to have you go hungry but I really can't afford the amount you drink." I couldn't, he was drinking over two litres of the stuff a day. I didn't know where it went or how his body processed it and to be perfectly honestly I didn't want to know the intimate details of his bodily functions.

"No prob, Sammi. I might joke around but I do want to help. I might not be the smartest at times but I try, you know?" At the words I nodded as he stood up. I unconsciously leaned my cheek towards him and he gave me my customary kiss on the cheek. I did my best to ignore how my cheeks flared red at the thought that we had grown comfortable enough to even have such a habit and the fact that I felt utterly giddy every single time it happened. "So, I need a night job, dusk till dawn-"

I held up a finger cutting him off. "I want you home before it starts to get light out. I'm not going to risk your continued existence because your boss wants you to stay later. that's non-negotiable."

"You are just the smartest, Sammi! I didn't even think about that. I have to leave time to get home so not dusk till dawn. Got it!" He kissed my cheek again as he pulled a chair up beside me, sitting down in it as he put all his focus on me entirely. "Do you have any ideas?" He rested his chin in his hand as he looked at me. I couldn't stand the intensity he put off, it was like he was looking at me with adoration and I didn't want to give me libido more ammunition for revving up my vulvarine to go on the prowl.

"We'll play to your strengths and then we can figure it out from there." I picked up my phone again and Jake grasped my thigh. I froze, becoming cutely aware of the exact pressure and warmth of each of his fingers lightly gripping my leg. My libido jumped for joy and demanded I immediately spread my legs. I barely had the strength and mental fortitude to beat the shit out of it to keep my legs from doing as it asked. "Yes?" It came out nearly straggled but there was nothing I could do about that as a heavy and heated flush covered my face from the tips of my ears to the base of my neck.

"You're just amazing, Sammi." He squeezed my thigh a bit more before and I risked a glance at him. Yup. That was full blown adoration that was radiating out of his pretty baby blues.

Oh no.

I was utterly fucked.

I reached down and patted his hand, trying to hid my internal panic with a strained smile. "Sure thing, buddy."

Oh there you are foot! I was just forgetting what you fucking tasted like.

Fuck my life, I cannot handle hot and adoring.