The Northern Dragon

CH 18: WHATEVER IT TAKES

The north wind knocked against Jon throughout the night. Even with all the layers of clothing he was wearing, it was just too cold for him to manage. He just couldn't get used to it yet.

He had been in the Night's Watch for nearly two years now, but his body had not adapted to the many changes. He wasn't sure how much longer it was going to take; he only knew it wouldn't be any time soon.

Some things had improved since he first joined. He had friends now and didn't have to keep thinking of how no one liked him. The brothers his age respected and accepted him, they stopped calling him Lord Snow at least. Yet the gripping cold never left.

Jon furrowed his brows as he began to awaken, feeling warmth on the right side of his face. He attempted to ignore it, but he couldn't return to sleep. In the end, he cracked his obsidian pools open. For a moment, he drew in a sudden breath only to relax just a second later, already used to the sight before him.

He had "woken up" enough times to the sight of her to know this was another one of his dreams. She still wore the same green gown as always. The dress with the short sleeves and the low V-neck cut that sparkled at the top yet the skirt of soft silk that flowed like a cascade and became more transparent the lower it went. The same silver necklace of the head of a wolf. Her silver curls falling freely. The same smile and the same feeling of her touch.

However, her eyes had changed in the most recent dreams. They weren't the previous soft amethyst anymore with the touch of ice of the North. Now they were a deep indigo that burned your soul when you looked into them. They still held the same love, but he could tell they weren't as kind as before.

Rhaenys continued stroking his face and hair gently, smiling without saying a word for a long time. The more Jon stared back at her, the more her smile deepened. "Hey."

He couldn't smile back though. Every time he saw her after he left the Wall to go further north, a stinging pain stabbed into his chest. He felt like such a coward. He wasn't a child anymore, yet he didn't know anything other than running away.

He had no idea how many times he told himself he was doing it to keep her safe when he first left. Then it was because of that dream and what she had told him then. When in truth, he just had not wished to see the woman he loved marry another man. When in truth, he just did not want to live as the bastard of Winterfell anymore.

The Night's Watch, as horrible of a place it was, at least he could call it home. He might still be a bastard, but so were many of the other brothers alongside him. Here, he didn't have to receive the glares from the Lady Stark or watch his half-siblings who wore the name of a House, of a family, with hidden jealousy.

Coming to the Night's Watch had been his own selfish desire and he couldn't help but feel that he had lost something especially important. That he had lost time he could never get back.

"Stop doubting yourself. It won't change anything." she said.

"With every step I take, I am walking farther and farther away from you." his hand squeezed her smaller one, intertwining their fingers together.

A strange and playful grin that he couldn't read formed on her face, "Farther than you think. You walk in the snow while I walk in the sand. You in the winter cold and I in the summer heat."

Jon wasn't sure what she meant. King's Landing should currently be in the summer heat even if winter was now truly coming after two decades, but there should be no sand. Rather, the city was covered in bricks and mud and manure, along with other vile things he rather not name. But no sand.

A dream was a dream, however, so he just brushed it off. Nothing was supposed to make sense, to begin with. "Your eyes are different now. The color changed."