Where Clover Whitens (Jalex)

Trochee

Because I liked you better

Than suits a man to say,

It irked you, and I promised

To throw the thought away.

-A.E. Houseman, "Because I Liked You Better"

Alex stepped off of the tour bus and took a deep breath, looking around. It wasn't snowing or raining but the sky was gray and dreary, full of clouds. He and the rest of All Time Low's band and crew had just returned from a two-month-long tour of the United States, and their driver had just pulled in to the parking lot in Baltimore where they had all met up before tour. Typically, they would all meet up in LA, but because it was only a few weeks until Christmas, they'd all decided that it would be easier for everyone if they just met up in Baltimore.

Baltimore wasn't what it used to be, in Alex's opinion. Crime rates were up, and as were poverty and teen pregnancy rates. And while he knew that he was blessed to have grown up in the suburb, Towson, not everyone was as lucky. That was why he was especially glad that he was finally moving out of the area, to the completely opposite coast. Jack had moved to Los Angeles a few years before and had been begging Alex to join him ever since.

Alex gave a small wave and a forced smile to his bandmates before heading off to his car. He threw his suitcases into the trunk, rubbed his cold hands together, and blew on them to hopefully heat them up. Quickly, he slid into the driver's seat of his silver Prius, and cranked up the heat. It took a few minutes for it to heat up, but he was en route to his house before the vents started blowing hot air. He turned on a podcast just to drown out the quiet and drove a bit too fast down the virtually empty streets. It was six pm on a Sunday; probably active and jumping in California, but quiet and relaxed in Maryland. He couldn't wait to get back to his house.

Even if it was just for a few months, the band and crew were all going their separate ways for a bit. It was always good to get a break from them; the four of them were like brothers, and brothers often do not get along. Rian was bossy, Zack was moody, and Jack...well, Jack just made Alex miserable. Jack was a lady's man, a proud slut, and obnoxious. He drank way too much, often did hard drugs, and out of all of them, enjoyed the traditional rockstar lifestyle more than any of them. That was, until he'd met Caitlin Carpenter, a sweet and blonde model from Beverly Hills.

Once Alex was in his driveway, he sighed and got his suitcases out of his trunk. He rolled them into his house and then immediately let go. He could hear the pitter-patter of eight paws rushing toward him, and for the first time in weeks, a genuine smile graced his tired features. Alex all but collapsed to the floor, gathering his dogs into his arms as they ran to him. They attacked him with kisses and paws and he laughed out loud. It felt good to laugh. He pressed a kiss to the top of Sebastian's head and then nuzzled Peyton's. While he had been gone, his mother had quite graciously offered to care for them. They were the only grandkids she was ever going to have, after all. Alex was grateful. Baz was old and had asthma, so not only did he hate to leave him, he did not trust many people with his boy.

After a long time of sitting in the floor with his dogs, Alex finally got to his feet and dragged them upstairs, alongside his suitcases. Normally, Alex would just throw his suitcases to the side and immediately relax or take a shower. Not tonight. Tonight, he sought control, and so he began to unpack. It felt weird, sure, as he typically kept his things in his suitcases for at least a week after he returned from tour. He hung his up his pants and folded his t-shirts, putting them away. Alex stopped, however, when he spotted an obnoxious orange hoodie folded neatly at the bottom of one of the bags.

Swallowing hard, Alex picked up the hoodie and held it close to his chest, breathing in the familiar cologne that clung to it. This was Jack's hoodie that he often stole. Not only was Alex always cold, but he liked having something of Jack's with him all of the time, something that both reminded him of his best friend and smelled like him. He'd been doing this since they were in junior high and they'd always shared clothes. Alex had to share Jack's hoodies with Caitlin now, though, which meant that this was essentially his only option. He wondered if Jack even knew that he had this one. Alex wouldn't be telling him so.

Caitlin had set Jack straight, and forced him to take a hard look at himself and why he did the things that he did. Jack had never really assessed his own mental health, in favor of putting off what others expected from him. Caitlin had helped him discover that he was suffering and why. Simply put, Jack was working too much., touring too much. He convinced the guys that they needed a break, which was why they'd be off for (at least) a full year after their last tour. That meant that Alex wouldn't get to see him as much, and that was what finally convinced him to move to LA.

Jack was marrying Caitlin, too. He'd proposed about a year ago, which meant that it wouldn't be long before the two were husband and wife. But Alex hadn't been expecting it to be so soon. They were set to be married only a week after the tour ended. Alex didn't think that that was enough time to fully prepare, with Jack gone for so long. But hell, what did he know? Alex's love life had been pathetically stagnant for years. He tended to repeatedly date the same people: his high school sweetheart, a girl he met in LA when he was twenty, a girl who fronted a band they'd toured with. Those relationships never worked out, though, and Alex constantly found himself to be lonely. He had a lot of great friends, a supportive family, and his dogs. However, none of that could truly take the place of a lover, someone to come home to, someone that would love him unconditionally and always be on his side. Alex had always hoped that that person would eventually wind up being Jack, but that was definitely not happening now.

With that thought in mind, Alex abandoned his unpacking, gripping the cotton of the hoodie in his hands and slid onto his bed. He didn't bother getting under the covers, as tears were pricking to his eyes. He closed them and buried his face into the hoodie, crying softly. It would not be long until he would be forced to screw on a smile and play the role of devoted best friend and best man. Alex wasn't a good actor, either.

He was broken from his cry-session when his phone vibrated, letting him know that he had a text, he was surprised that it was already the All Time Low group chat. They had just gotten back from tour, after all. When he saw that the message was from Jack, he assumed it would be a meme. He thought wrong, and he immediately felt a punch to his gut. The message read, 'is eight o'clock still a good start time for you guys?'

Jack was referring to his bachelor party, and it was only six days away. The other guys responded fairly quickly, but Alex waited a few minutes to compose himself. He sent a simple 'yeah' back before he switched his phone off and laid back down on his bed. Closing his eyes, he brought the hoodie back up to his chest and buried his face in it.

With a single sigh, Alex fell into a dreamless, restless sleep.