His Shining Star

15

"Sebastian... I can't... I'm getting married."

Those words echoed and burned through my forehead all night. I couldn't sleep or anything. I haven't felt this much pain since him breaking up with me back in college. He has said it a few times ever since Adams, but I neglected it and shrugged it off. It burned this time. I felt guilty. I wanted to cry even though I said those words.

My alarm screeched in my ears at 9:45 in the morning. My eyes shot wide open. I turned my body and noticed a small note on Jason's spot. It read:

I have to go help my mom with last minute preparations. See you at the ceremony. -Jason

I just sighed as I walked into my kitchen and made myself a cup of coffee.

"No coffee! It'll make you look even more tired." Quinn startled me. All of my bridesmaids were here.

"Uh—hey? When did you guys get here?" I asked trying to catch my breathe.

"Jason let us in this morning." Rachel added. Kurt sat there. He may not be a bridesmaid, he still was helping me get ready.

"Yeah,,," I nodded as I sipped the coffee anyways.

"Nope! Go take a nice hot shower! We will cook breakfast." Market demanded.

"But I'm hungry now!" I whined.

"Too bad! Go take a shower!" Mercedes demanded. They know how laid back I was about these things. I wasn't as structured as I used to be. The last time I planned things out was before I met... Sebastian. I went into the bathroom and turned on the shower. Once again, those words I told Sebastian burned through my mind. I felt the worst heart ache that I haven't felt in a long time. Saying goodbye to him and his endless love to me was like me not being able to breathe. As I showered myself and shaved and what not, I just continued to think about the way Sebastian made me feel... when Jason couldn't. That's when I knew why I have been having this guilty feeling all week.

I am still in love with that cocky warbler. I still love that man who continues to gel back his hair. I love the way he makes me feel when he touches me. The way he talks to me. Every word or phrase he says, he makes me feel like a girl. Not just any girl, a naive teenager again. He understands my passion and understands my ambition. He is the one I was meant to be with. I finished my shower, and put on a pair of sweats and a loose tee shirt. I came out with my hair wrapped in a towel.

"Okay, we have several hours to do your hair and make up, and we still have to drive you down to the hotel where you can change into your gown." Rachel read the itinerary.

"It won't take that long." I rolled my eyes.

"Girl, it took five hours for me to get ready." Santana pointed out.

"She clearly has never seen the work it takes for a bride to get ready." Rachel laughed.

"I know you are trying to be low about your feelings behind this wedding, but it will all go according to plan." Kurt reassured me.

"Not exactly..." I muttered.

"Let's go do your hair and make up and everything else will fall into place." Mercedes began.

"You just need a boost." Quinn added as she sat me down at the table. She went into my room to grab my hair and make up stuff.

"You are going to eat while we do your hair." Marley rubbed my shoulders. I didn't want to tell them that I wasn't in love with Jason. I was only in love with Sebastian. I knew it deep inside since the show, but I kept shoving my feelings aside.

"So are you excited to marry Jason?" Marley asked as she helped Quinn pin back my hair. We all decided on doing a fancy updo that goes with the vail. I sat there eating the eggs that they made me.