cappuccino ↬ offgun

sad blue

Almost a week has passed and I've not seen the angel yet. I just want to get into his life and make it better. I want to make his life less grey. I want to lay down with him, look at those stars, and realize that I'm so lucky to have him by my side. I want to read him my favorite book, the little prince, and share with him my little passion. I want to love someone.

But I don't know anything about him. I don't know his name, I don't know what he thinks about the rainbows, if he likes coffee or if he prefers milk. Or maybe both. Maybe he likes cappuccino, my favorite. But, nothing. My life is getting more grey, though.

On the other hand, I'm too scared. I have his number, I could send him a message. But, no. What if he doesn't remember me? What if he doesn't like me, or worse, what if he doesn't like men in general?

I don't want to have blue days, where I always have wet cheeks and red eyes. I like my life now. Grey, of course, but not blue. I'm scared of the blue. But not of the dark one. That represents the void, which I really like. It has no limits. I wish I was a void.
But, I am a dark blue, though. It's enough for me.
I was saying, I'm scared of sad blue. I'm scared of getting caught in my own sadness. I'm afraid of loneliness. And when I feel alone, I look at that dark blue sky with his white dots and I feel safe.

By the way, today I brought Joss to the cafe. He was tired, but very tired. And he never goes out when he is tired. But I made him to. Maybe I'm a wizard or something. Hagrid, I'm waiting for you.

Jokes aside, he had fun. He talked to everyone and he seemed so happy. And this really made my day. It's so rare seeing him okay with the world. But with Mike and New, there isn't this problem.

He even talked to Earth, one of the others baristas (we are five in all). It was all okay. And I'm proud of this.

Joss is happy, everyone's happy. I'm waiting for the yellow to bring me with it.