cappuccino ↬ offgun

are we looking at the same star?

Joss has always been one of my best friend. Always by my side. He could hear you talking about your life for hours. But, at giving tips, he sucks. He stares with that face that says "and what if what I'm saying is wrong?" Sometimes, he doesn't even know what he says. I wish I could give him some of my self-confident, but then it wouldn't be his so everything would stay the same as before. Tell him the confusion that I've been having in my head so far has been an amazing idea. But even ask him a tip? No, that was an awful idea.

"Okay, so yesterday you kissed a guy, but then an another guy sent you a message and this has brought confusion in your head?" I nodded. He has been asking me this question for so long and my answer has not changed, maybe wishing that I would have step back. But I didn't. I needed an advice and he was, and he is, the only person that I trust the most.

"And do you like the guy who has sent the message?" I rolled my eyes.

"No, he makes me confused just because the world wants it to be like that. Joss, will you wake up or do I have to slap you? And, again, they are Off and Philip. You know them. Stop calling me them the guys, it makes me even more confused" he raised his hands, as a sign of surrender.

"Okay, ehm... maybe you should just choose one between these two guys- sorry. Choose one between Philip and Off and make your relationship deeper" if it was this easy...

"I don't want to hurt nobody's feelings. And, what if I make the wrong choice and I go to the person that I, yes, like, but not love? And what if I realize this when it's too late?"

"You're still talking to the wrong person" he tried to stand up, but my hand blocked him and made him sit down before he could go away.

"Wrong or right, I don't care. Your ideas are as good as are mines. When will you get this?" He sighed, looking at me with sad blue eyes. He knows, deep inside. He knows how much he should me more selfish. He knows, but he doesn't want to admit that. He knows that he deserves a lot. Even if his advice sucks.

"Gun, when will you stop? You know that I'm trying, okay? I really do."

"I'll never stop telling you this. You are so afraid of yourself that probably the people out there will never know the real Joss. If I were them, I would be sad." He smiled, rolling his eyes.

"We were talking about you, though. So, ehm... you're afraid of choosing, right? " I sighed. Yes, he was so right. I wished his words could have brought me my answers. I wished that all this blurry eternal confusion could have disappeared with all the sad blue. Even though, I was, I am, the only one who has answers for all my questions. But I'm keeping them in a small corner of my soul.

"But you do know that life is full of choices, right? Look, you are talking with the wrong person. I don't know anything about life, I'm scared of the future. But you asked an advice so here it comes: pick one, go out with him one of these night and see how you feel" not that bad, light blue.

"You know a lot about life, Joss. I won't open that speech again but..."

"Pick one. Follow your heart" he stopped me. One or two? Sea or stars? Stars.

"Stars- I mean, Off. I just went out with Philip so I think it's right that I go out with the other one, now. Gosh, I feel like a little slut. Who am I?" Joss started to laugh. Is that really the reason?

"Okay, so send him a message. But, first, I want to read the message he sent you yesterday"

"Now? You mean, right now? Here? Now?"

"And when? Give me your phone" I started to search my phone in my pocket and, once found it, I gave it to him.

"So you said that this message wasn't important? He said that he likes you, stupid slut" actually, I've understood that. I mean, I'm a slut but I'm not stupid. But something blocked me. Maybe I'm just scared.

"Okay, so write him a message" I took the phone and I started to move my thumbs on my phone. Here we go.

"Hi Off. I've been thinking about what you said yesterday night for a while. Actually, to be honest, I've thought about that a lot. I want to meet you, if we could even now. Tell me when you can. This time, I'll bring the stars. You just have to bring yourself, that's a lot for me.
Thank you and apologies accepted. I'm sorry if I've replied your message just now. I've spent the time thinking about you.
G."

"Ah, so the only thing we can do is to apologize? By the way, is Tuesday okay for you?  On the other days I'm busy. I also spend the time thinking about you. Do you think we look at the same star?
DP."

"Jesus, you're too sweet! Are you sure you have doubts or you just have fever?" said Joss, which since now he's been quiet, looking at me and at my phone, maybe thinking if I'm crazy or not.

"Anyway, don't you have lessons until night on Tuesday?"

"Who cares, I'll skip." I smiled, throwing a pillow against him.

"Tuesday is perfect. Are we going to the promenade of memories, again? I like there.
Probably yes, we were looking at the same star. But if we don't ask the sky, how can we know if we were right or not?"
G."

"No, I'll bring you to a place that's really important for me. It's my turn, now. Do you think we should ask it? As you already know, I don't like the benefit of the doubt. Get ready.
DP."

"Well, actually I think we should. Now, I don't want the benefit of the doubt either. I wish I could see your face now, dark purple.
G."

"Gun, don't say that, or I'll come to your place and only God knows what I could do to you. From now on, I won't look at the stars anymore, I'll look at my watch, wishing that Tuesday will come as soon as possible. So I can tell you what stars said to me and, maybe, we'll both understand that my hands have been looking someone else's hands for so long.
DP."

Am I that someone else?

*I've never thought this story would have been like this. Hope you're liking this.
Thank you,
Fede.♡*