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ophelia, a green tulip

In psychology, the grieving process happens when someone you really care about leaves. It doesn't matter how, if forever or not. You know that for a very long time, you won't be able to see him or her again. And you feel empty, like something is missing.

I've lost so many people. I don't even know how many, precisely. The only thing I know in this sea of unknown things is that, soon, I'll have to add my grandma in this long list, and this is tearing me. Is tearing my memories with her. The only thing I want to do now is deleting everything. But, at the same time, I want to remember every little thing. And this is so grey.

I've also lost my best friend, five months ago. But she has not passed away or something like that. She is just so far away from Thailand. France has always been her dream. We spent nights over nights talking about her dream. And I never got bored.

Her name was Ophelia. Her mum chose that name for her. Ophelia. I've always loved that sound. Harmonious as the sea's sound. Ophelia, Ophelia, Ophelia. It makes her seem like a quiet person, shy. But she was the opposite. She is green, but maybe just because that's her hair's color. That says a lot about her.

I've met her in high school. She was lonely, she seemed lonely. Actually, I don't know how she felt back there. We never really talked about those dark times. We were so different that we were similar. She has never looked back in the past. She said that "memories cut, they're worse than knives. Be careful." I've never listened to her. She was always right, I was always blind.

We keep in touch, now. But it's so different. I miss her smell, I miss her smile, I miss her advice. Everything is changing. I'm happy for her, though.

She was my little flower. She let me pick her, and now I'm keeping my green tulip in my pocket. One day it will rot. This means that my tulip has changed, forever, and I can't do anything to save it. I will just throw it away, understanding that it's time to let her go.

I don't know why I'm here talking about her, now. I hate talking about her. But maybe I need to.

We all should be more like Ophelia. Everyone deserves an Ophelia in their life. Ophelia is happiness.

I'll talk to the stars tonight, and I'll see what they'll say to me.

"Don't think about the green tulip too much. Memories cut."