cappuccino ↬ offgun

hey, jude...

I wish I could live without making a big deal with everything. Without associating colors to people, judging them. And maybe I'm even wrong. Maybe what I say is so wrong that, if I could hear it again in the future, I'd realize that they were all bullshits. That I have always been an asshole and, beyond judging people, I can't doing anything else (coffees are another thing, I don't even have to say that I'm good at making coffees).

Today I spoke to Ophelia. I wish we didn't talk, actually.

"Hello, how are you?" That's all she wrote. There was no I miss you or hearts that say I love you. There was nothing.

"I'm okay, thanks. Here the days are a little bit grey. I miss you, please come back as soon as possible." 

Is there something wrong in what I wrote? No, that's my answer. I've read and then read it again so many times, before actually sending it. And then, why the only thing I can see is blue, but the sad one? She left me on read. Maybe thinking I'm loser. I feel like she is not green anymore. She is - I don't know. People change so fast that you don't realize when it happens. Oh, Ophelia...

However, my days are becoming so full of colors. And my phone, full of messages. That, maybe, could be important.

"Hi, Gun. It's me, dark purple. Are you free now? I have found a place where we can early see the stars.
O."

I was free, but I was too tired for these stupid jokes that cause headache.

"Off, it's 4pm.
Where the hell do you find these stupid stars? Don't make fun of me. 
G."

"I'm not. Stars are always there, Gun. And, weren't you the one who said that I have to bring the stars with me? I put them in my pocket, so you can see them whenever you want. Send me the address of where you are now. I'll be there in ten minutes.
O."

Is it useless if I say that I smiled? I immediately sent the address to him. I feel so yellow.

"Joss, probably I won't have dinner here, tonight. Don't wait me" a smile appeared on his face: thank you, light blu, for always understanding me.

The other time, I said that I learned to see without my eyes. To mix everything, heart with mind, mind with heart. To mix the colors, the words, the memories. Off brought me on the seafront, one of my favorite places, where memories see for me. Both beautiful and awful.

"Do you like her?" he said, talking to me but looking at the sea, with eyes that wanted to be cool. He was leaning on the raining, breathing heavily. Yellow.

"Last time, I said you that I'd tell you a story" his eyes were staring mine, now, "maybe you're wondering who's Ophelia, since I mentioned her, yesterday" he whispered a yes and then he started to watch the sea, again. Thing that I also started to do.

"She was everything. My sun, my stars, my sun, my moon. She understood me even before I started to understand myself. She loved to mess with the world. But, like everyone, she has a flaw: she hated her memories. She said that she hated the pain, she hated to know that she could be vulnerable. Instead, I've understood that pain is a part of ourselves, that a life without obstacles is a life not loved enough. So, I have never understood her. We were so different, but we were also the same. She was the world put in a person. I used to come here with her, you know. We stopped there," and I pointed an ice-cream shop, "and then, we ate it right here. Happiness was ours" I blocked, thinking about what should have said, next.

"She left me. She's in France now, to follow her big dream. She left me in a grey world. She left me, Off." I stopped, this time definitively. Staring at my friend's body, I was trying to understand his thoughts about my short, but big, story.

"And now? You two don't talk anymore?" he asked me, maybe waiting for an happy answer. Happiness was ours. Now who knows where it is.

"No, we have nothing. Sometimes I'd like to have never known her. But when I listen to Hey Jude, I can't help but think her" I laughed. Hey Jude, she loved this song.

"The Beatles? I thought you were different" I shook my head, smiling slightly.

"You were right. She loved them, though. She left me her little passion. Hey Jude, don't make it bad..." as soon as I started to sing, he started to laugh. Yellow was shining upon us.

"Was she your... girlfriend?" he asked me in a serious was, keep on looking at the sea. This time, I laughed.

"No, she was more than that. She was my soulmate."

"A soulmate? That's rare to find" I leaned my hand on his shoulder and I sighed.

"Yes, few have a soulmate. Not even Ophelia had one, or she had one, but she forgot everything that happened here" I looked at the clean light sky and i could see the stars dancing close to the sun. Memories are seeing for me.

"Thanks for the stars, they're beautiful" he smiled and then he moved his eyes to the sky, passing his tongue between his lips.

"Yes... maybe they're as beautiful as Ophelia" I nodded. You really understand me, Off.