You're it (SEQUEL OUT)

chapter 26-letting go.

"Keep moving forward."

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I spent the next few days curled up on the sofa watching TV. It's pathetic, but I didn't feel like going out. I didn't feel like doing anything.

Emma joined me one night when Darren had to fly out to New York and we chatted into the late hours of the night. I told her everything from when Darren left, ending up as a sobbing mess on her shoulder.

She just rubbed my shoulder, saying soothing words as I finally just let it out. It felt good to talk to someone who was actually in control and protecting me. An adult.

A week later, I sat at the dinner table and we chatted. All of us, like..a family almost. Emma beamed the entire dinner and I think she noticed it too. Darren had brought boxes back and revealed he was moving in.

I cried that night when he revealed that. But not tears of sadness- I wept with joy and relief that someone would be here to take care of this place and take care of me.

The week after that, I decide to read the letter. Me and Emma had (slightly) argued about it.

"What if it's important!" Emma had exclaimed.

"I'll do it. In my own time." I shrugged and she stopped me, her arms folded. She was trying to adjust to being my 'guardian/parent' instead of a friend and I tried not to make it difficult for her.

"Soon. You have to move on." She stared deep into my eyes and I gave a small nod of agreement. I felt uncomfortable and moved in the direction of my room.

Ashley and Hollie visit once they get back from their respective holidays. They seem nervous at first, but after I smile and ask about the holidays they relax and realise I'm okay.

And I am. I miss him like hell, but it's getting better and I want to remember this summer for being fun. Not falling into a despair of darkness.

"Hey." Hollie says and gives me a bear hug. I settle into it instead of pushing it away like I did at first.

They stay for dinner and we don't say much. They don't bring up Luke. Nobody does.

It's turning into the elephant in the room, one which I didn't want to create. I don't want them to be scared of talking about him- not now or ever.

That night, I climb the stairs as usual for bed and as I lie facing my roof, unable to sleep I decide I want to read the letter.

It shakes in my hands and I'm terrified I'm gonna rip it.

This is it, I think. The last piece of him.

Am I ready for this?

I decide I have to be. To be happy. To move forward.

I breath slowly. I slowly rip it open, terrified to rip it.

Dear Riley.

I can understand perfectly why you probably hate me right now. I should've told you the truth, but I was so overwhelmed with being with you and loving you that I pushed away that conversation.

I knew it would make you sad. Make you distance yourself from me and I couldn't bear to see that. I couldn't bear to lose you in those final weeks.

So please believe me when I say I'm sorry. More sorry than I've ever been before and I hope you read this and find some peace.

I've just finished packing. I can't count the amount of times I've said goodbye to people or the amount of times over the past months I wanted to tell you how I couldn't stop thinking about you.

I didn't want our last words to be hateful or sorry. I wanted to tell you how much I loved you and how much I wanted to stay. This is never how I would've wanted it to end.

You are wonderful. Funny. Kind. Smart. And I got to love you. Can you believe that? I never thought I'd ever meet someone like you. A breath of air when I was underwater.

You told me you were drowning- but I was. I truly was, my fathers hand pushing down on my head. I stayed underwater, but you gave me time to breath and I can never thank you for that.

I know this letter may not be easing things and you may be even more angry than before.

I have to stop writing before my Father's head blows off about getting my suitcase downstairs because we have to leave.

If I ever see you again, I won't run and tell you all of this. How desperately in love with you I am. How I already know I'll push everyone away. Who could compare to you? To any of you?

I just want you to be happy and if you are- I'll let you be. It's my only wish for leaving.

Luke.

--THREE MONTHS LATER--

"Aren't you excited?" Hollie waves leaflets in my face, grinning as she dances on the spot. Our first day of college.

I still can't believe we're here, standing right at our dream school. Hollie to do fashion, me to..figure it out. I think photography or writing.

"Yes." I breathe. It's the truth. I am. But I'm also scared.

Scared to start this new chapter, without any of our friends. Just me and Hollie.

Dylan is the closest one, only an hour or so away. But Ashley is jet-setting all over the country, her modelling company sending her to as many shows as they can. Ryan is settled hours away too, his dream career turning out to be football.

"Come on." Hollie tugs my arm with her own, stepping forward. "Let's go look around!"

I smile at her, a genuine smile. I muster up all the courage I can to take that step inside with her, knowing it's all going to be okay as long as we stick together.

So we walk. Into the new chapter of our lives.

----------------------------------------------------------A/n

Okay;;

THIS IS DEDICATED TO ALL OF YOU. wonderful, wonderful fans.

i love you all.

Love to all you lovelies.

XXX