𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐋𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐁𝐞𝐲𝐨𝐧𝐝 𝐓𝐢𝐦𝐞 | 𝐒𝐏𝐎𝐏

Chapter 35

"I'm here to share a secret. I am not who I've always been, the world that lies outstretched before me, is not the only one I've seen. I've travelled on the tails of comets, I've burned up in the hearts of stars, I've been spat out of supernovas, that left me scattered near and far. I have dined in distant galaxies, and taught the birds to sing, I've danced for a whole lifetime, upon dusty rings.

I've been here for long enough, to learn what makes the willow weep, I've sung celestial lullabies, that sent the moons to sleep. I've been both the flowing water, and the stone that blocks its way, I've been frozen, I've been molten,  and I'll be again someday.Though I've been a billion things, this is the first one that can smile, I'm pieces of the universe, living as human for a while."

The first thing I learned from my mother is how to disappoint her. There's always a way, it seems, to do better.

Never be indecisive, my mother tells me and it's the second thing, and I thought, once, that I was learning from the woman. Maybe in a way I was, but in the other, the only thing I did was feel guilty for not being perfect, for not being what they wanted, for even thinking that as I counted the hugs and kisses, but also the insults they didn't know they were throwing. They never know.

Why is people so... Cruel?

I am pretty sure that what she means is the end of what they've been working for. A goal, a vision for a better future, one that they couldn't finish, or better yet, they finished, but they abandoned everything.  And brought to Etheria for what? To know what happiness is? Or to know what pieces of lives can be?

"I haven't DONE ANYTHING you didn't want to."

All the ways of showing how disappointment I am right now, I am beyond frustrated and the feeling of being everything, but nothing at the same time. There's no sound, no air, no touch. No warm, no cold. There's nothing.

When I got older, I learned something else from my mother. I learned that there are more things that are expected of me.

'You're a pretty girl, (Y/N)." My mother used to say, a bit contemptuously, the way that people who have never been pretty might dole out the compliment. You can use that your advantage.

I'm thirteen the first time I hear this, or so I imagine, because age isn't easy to nail here. I judge my age as best I can, but Mother is playing with the connection to the stone, it's messing my head up again, with nightmares and bad wishes. I used to wake up in the middle of the night and run to Glimmer's--

...

"Glimmer..."

But my mother tells me that I'm pretty and I know better than to think this is actually a compliment. Instead, she just tucks my hair behind, something resembling a fond sort of smile on her face. "You'll see." She says. "People are weak." 

Aren't you too?

And that is something I learned too, not just from my mother but from everyone. From the teachers who let me skip out on their lessons early when I smiled at them, an expression that I practiced in the mirror so that it doesn't sit stiff on my face.

I learned about weakness from the people outside the house, the ones who don't realize that they're nothing but a living doll from time. I learned weakness from the people who didn't have a house, family, anything at all. The real weakness... It's not us at all. It's just tests, for... If we are able to continue living, is we see what really is out there, how everything truly is.