So, Here I Am

Chapter Twenty Home 1

Maggie texted Larry to say the plane was ready for them.  They picked up their bags, and double checked the room before they walked out the door.  Maggie had sent a driver to pick up her car, who then took the twins to the airport.  A short security check, and they were boarding the plane.

Larry "She doesn't do things in half, does she ?" referring to the black leather seats, the plush carpet and the fact that this was just for them.  He was still trying to figure out why, with everything that had happened, she would still want to talk to them, let alone help them.           But he was grateful for her help, and would accept it for as long as it was offered.

The flight attendant asked if they would like anything to drink or eat, and informed them that the flight would take about an hour.  -- Not long enough -- thought Laurent.  They exchanged anxious glances, Larry playing with his rings, Laurent looking out of the window.

Laurent "Does she know we're coming ?"

Larry "Yes, I called her last night while you were asleep."  Laurent realising only then that Larry had been awake for most of the night, and must be exhausted.

 -- He is in pain, too.  She was his mama, too.  A.J. is his brother now, too --  did he feel this hurt, this betrayed, this ...angry ? If he was, he didn't show it. -- I'm the emotional one -- Laurent thought -- I don't know if that's such a good thing, especially if I could do what.....---

He shook his head to dispel the thoughts and feelings that were starting to surface.

Laurent "Talk to me, bro"

Larry "What's to say ?"

"How do you feel about all this shit ".  Larry was touched he had thought to ask.  Maybe things were going to be ok after all.

"We'll talk later dude, ok ?"   A couple of drinks later, and they were landing at Paris Orly.  Quick security check again, and to their surprise, a car was waiting for them there as well.

-- Maggie -- thought Larry again.  Laurent had the same thought, and almost hung his head.  She can't keep doing this, he was going to lose his shit.   Everything nice she did for them just kept reminding him of that night, and of what he couldn't remember.   In the car, Laurent spoke to Larry.

"Can you text Maggie, and ask her to stop being nice to us ? it's not right, it doesn't feel right"

Larry "I'm not going to stop her, Lau, she feels partly responsible for all this, she's just trying to make things easier for us, is all."

The car had arrived at mama's house. But as Larry shifted in his seat to get out, Laurent felt a wave of .... what .....panic ? anxiety?.... rush over him.   He was rooted in place, he couldn't physically move.

"I can't do this , Larry, I can't ! What do I say ? What can she say that will make this ok ?"

"That's the thing, Lau, she can't.  She can't make it ok.  We have to just listen to what she has to say, and we make it ok, eventually, for ourselves"   Then an even more serious thought comes to his mind.

"Remember this.   She gave away her newborn son to Maggie, Lau.  Can you imagine our mama having given birth to us, and then giving one, or both of us away, because it was what was best for us?   She's going to be reliving all her pain from then, too.  It's not just all about us.   A.J. knows now, too.   Remember that, go easy on her, please."  His eyes were glazed with expectant tears, pleading with his brother not to make things worse, for any of them.

Larry was right.  He hadn't even thought about how mama would feel once she found out they knew.  She would have to relive it again, not just about the baby, but all the pain, physical and emotional, that their father had inflicted on all of them, and what she had done to protect her boys.  Now all he wanted to do was go to her, tell her how sorry he was that she had to go through all of that, and to love her with everything had in him, with everything he was.