So, Here I Am

Chapter Thirty Seven London - Maggie

When Maggie got back to London, she was tempted to take some time off to rest, regroup, re-evaluate.  Go somewhere. But what would she do ?  On occasion, she had been known to take a holiday where she could lie by the pool, get a tan, eat good food, walk on the beach, and sleep. She had done this in the Maldives, and it had been the most rejuvenating holiday of her life.  But she didn't need rejuvenation, she needed re-evaluation.  She needed to get back to work and her philanthropic activities.

Busy-ness.  Noise.  Focus.

Not quiet.  Silence.  Thoughts.

She used to love those quiet moments to herself. She was happy in her own company. Now she couldn't stand it, dreaded it.  

Alone with her thoughts, her sadness, her heartbreak. 

She was still seen out and about town socially, she still had charity events to attend, which were invariably in the magazines and social pages.  She realised that Laurent would see them, with a man by her side, usually a friend, even though Larry would try to keep them away from him, bless him.

And even now, her first thought, her priority was to not do this any more than she had to, so as to spare Laurent's feelings.  She still loved and cared for him that much.

He most certainly did not deserve her, she thought.

And then she thought back to the night that Laurent was talking to Lilo on the phone, he had called her honey.  She knew now it was the boy he was talking to, how he had fixed it so that Lilo's number would come up if anyone saw his phone.   She also realised when she discovered them in the apartment, Laurent was addressing his "honey" through the shower door.                  All Maggie wanted to do when Larry told her it wasn't Lilo calling that night, was to go out, find a man, flirt, get drunk, maybe have sex, give him her number, so that Laurent would see his messages on her phone, and know not to mess with her.  Her feelings, her affections, her love for him, just like she'd lectured him on their first night together.   But she hadn't acted on it.   And that was the difference.

He had said he would rather cut off his legs than hurt her.

So much for that.