So, Here I Am

Chapter Thirty Nine London - Laurent

Laurent's flight was uneventful, even though he didn't like flying.  On take off and landing, his fingers gripped the arms of his seat, white knuckled, like his life depended on it.  He hadn't told anyone he was going to London.  Not Eleni, not Larry, and especially not Maggie.  He would just turn up and hope for .... the best ?  Anything right now would be good, he thought.  Hope she would at least talk to him, as he'd come all this way.

He got a cab from the airport to the hotel.  He was staying at the Shangri La again, hoping the good memories would make him feel more positive about his visit.  Only it didn't, it just reminded him of what he didn't have anymore, how much he'd fucked it up this time, just as Larry had said he had.

It was late when he got to the hotel, so he ordered room service, took a shower, checked on messages and news, then went to bed.  He had followed Maggie's upcoming events, and from what he remembered of her routine, she should be at home tomorrow.  If she wasn't, he would wait for her outside until she came home, like some stalker.  He decided he would wing it.

As he was getting ready to go see Maggie, he looked purposefully at his reflection in the mirror. To the point where he almost looked away. -- Yes, you fucked up, Laurent -- he began -- but you've come a long way back, she's bound to see that. -- you look good again, you've got your confidence back, your self respect back. --  He knew she had no respect for men who weren't confident, who were bullies, abusers, misogynists, who were like this not just to women, but to anyone, because making someone else feel like crap was better than admitting that they were crap.

Had he done that ?    Was he one of them ?

-- So, you will apologise, profusely, but you will not beg, you will not plead, you will be genuine, sincere, and heartfelt -- and if she listens to you, great -- if she won't, then ...then ... -- 

Just then it hit him like a ton of bricks.     

He would not have a future without Maggie McLean.

Concierge "Miss McLean, there's a gentleman here to see you.  A Mr Laurent Bourgeois", he had buzzed up to Maggie's intercom.

What ?

Wait, what ?

Maggie "What do you mean, Fraser ?" she was confused

"There is a Mr Bourgeois to see you, Miss McLean. He is waiting in the lobby"

-- Shit ! Fuck !! what the hell ....--

Her heart was racing, and she genuinely did not know what to do, she was literally running round in circles in her kitchen.  She realised Fraser was waiting for some kind of instruction on what to tell Laurent, what to do with him.   --  Go away ?  Get stuffed ?  Go fuck yourself ?  --

"Let him come up then please, Fraser" she said despite her original thoughts.  She checked her reflection in the hall mirror, as she stood by the lift, waiting for the sound of the opening, then closing doors on the ground floor. -- no spinach in my teeth, hair tidy, not too --- why do I care ?  I shouldn't care --  I don't care what he thinks ...

She didn't have time to finish her thought before the lift pinged it's arrival in her hallway.

-- OK, plant your feet wide apart so you don't fall over -- cross your arms, body language is everything -- intimidation  -- no -- yes -- no --  oh shut up !!

The lift doors opened, revealing the sight for sore eyes within it.   Maggie literally caught her breath when she saw him.

He could still do it.    He could still take her breath away.    Well, shit.

Laurent tilted his head sideways slightly, a glint in his eye.

"Bonjour, ma cherie" he breathed, moving to step forward into the hallway, extending his hand to take hers.  So familiar already, too familiar.

Maggie "Ah!"

She put a finger up to him to stop his forward motion, before he could get fully out of the lift.  She had stopped him in his tracks. He looked shocked.    -- This isn't a good start, --  he thought  --  what the fuck ? ---  The lift doors closed again, with Laurent still inside.  He waited, slightly panicked.

It wasn't going anywhere.  At least she didn't send him back down.  He could hear her talking to someone.  She had someone there ! Of course she did, why would she not.  The doors opened again.

Maggie "Let's try that again, shall we?" she said in all seriousness.  Laurent looked at her, perplexed, a half smirk, half frown on his face.  He really didn't understand what she was getting at .... then..... Oh ..... Oh ..... OK..... He righted himself, put his hands behind his back, looked her directly in the eyes.

"Hello, Maggie"

"Hello, Laurent" she offered him her hand  -- Shit, shake it, don't kiss it --  He took her hand and waited for her to dictate the handshake.   He was doing his best to be respectful now, after he completely misjudged their initial greeting.

His touch sent her mental.  Electricity was coursing through her, and just like his face when she first saw it again after so long, his first touch was arresting, blinding.  This was going to be way harder than she thought.  This meeting wouldn't be going the way it needed to go, the way she WANTED it to go, maybe, but not the way she needed it to.

He realised he was still standing in the lift, and the doors had not closed, and that he wasn't going anywhere.  He looked at Maggie, slightly puzzled.

"I've asked Fraser to keep them open, as you won't be getting off" Maggie said, flatly.  -- definitely not a good start, getting worse by the minute -- he thought.

Laurent "I need to talk to you, Maggie. I've come here from L.A., last night.  I have to talk to you, and you have to listen to me, please."  He wasn't pleading, he told himself, he was being courteous.   Just.

"Why ?"

"Why what ?"

"Why must I listen to you?" -- Shit, she doesn't waste words  --

Laurent "You at least owe me that"  Not the best choice of words, he realised, as soon as he heard them hit the air.  Maggie was stood directly in front of him, feet planted apart, arms crossed, eyes slightly widened by his last remark.

"Really ? I owe you that ? I owe you nothing, Laurent" she was disarmingly calm. 

"Not the right choice of words, sorry.  Um, I would like the chance to apologise, to explain, and just talk, Maggie.  I need to talk to you.  I've missed talking to you "  -- heartfelt, not pleading -- he reminded himself.   Maggie could hear the emotion in his voice.   He was still looking straight at her, he was still in the lift.

If he left the lift, he would be in her apartment.   If he was in her apartment, he would be in her life.   If he was in her life, he would be in her heart.   So if he didn't cross that thin strip of metal that separated their lives, their hearts, she wouldn't get hurt again. That was her reasoning, and it was stupid.  Didn't matter if he was three feet away or in Timbuktu, he would still be in her heart.  She looked him straight in his eyes, which had never left her face, by the way, and gave a loud sigh.  Holding her arm out, pointing the way down the hallway

"Please, come in"