So, Here I Am

Chapter Forty Two Laurent's Future

Laurent woke before Maggie. He had no idea what time it was, did it really matter ? As she was sleeping soundly, he looked at her and smiled to himself.  A wave of emotion washes over him at the sight of her face, but what emotion, he's not sure.  Love, certainly, but anxiety ? Fear ? He can't figure it out, so he pushes it away. He pulls on a pair of sweatpants he had left here before, pads down the hallway, softly closing the bedroom door behind him.  He walks out into the living room, taking in the darkness and lights from outside, goes to the kitchen to grab some water from the fridge. He strolls over to the window with the view of Tower Bridge, then inhales and exhales deeply.

He thought about their lovemaking, and thought how well matched they were as lovers, both loving the sense of adventure they had never been able to share with anyone else. He also knew fantastic sex did not fix everything, anything, but he was hopeful that their connectedness, their intimacy, might go someway towards healing both their hearts. Their kind of love, physical or otherwise, came along so rarely, he was convinced Maggie would not let it go, could not let it go.

He found his jacket on the sofa, searched in its pocket, and found a black velvet box, holding a flawless five carat princess cut diamond solitaire ring.  And now he didn't know what to do with it.  He knew he wanted Maggie by his side as his partner in crime, in business, in pleasure, for the rest of his life. He just had to find courage, just as he found it to make his speech to her earlier.

Other thoughts were flooding his mind now too.

A.J., what would happen with that? How would he and Maggie get to grips with that relationship? He knew Maggie would never choose any one over A.J., and he would have to live with that, so he would just not ever have to make her choose, he knew he would lose.  Could he be happy with that, or would there always be resentment surrounding that unspoken truth?

He can't say he had never thought about their age difference either. It didn't bother him, it never had, and it certainly didn't bother Maggie. But as they got older, the dynamic of their relationship would change, of course it would. In ten years, her aging would be more progressive, more apparent, while he would still be in his prime. How would that work?

And kids, oh my god, kids !! That was obviously out of the question, but he so wanted to be a dad.  A future not being a father ? If he was honest, he had already resigned himself to the thought of not having children anyway, what with the Twins burgeoning career, constant travelling, not being settled enough to find the right woman, let alone bringing up a family.    Shit, why were relationships so impossible ?

Snapping out of his thoughts, he focused again. He put the box back in his jacket pocket, and decided he would wait.  He would know when the time was right.

He walked back to the bathroom to take a shower, clearing his head of all the unwanted thoughts swimming there.