So, Here I Am

Chapter Twenty Three Laurent and Maggie

They all sat around the large kitchen table, drinking coffee and eating mamas homemade cake. Maggie and mama reminisced about how they met, and became friends. A.J. and mama talked, and he told her how his life with Maggie had been up until now, smiling at Maggie every so often. Moma B still cried, continually apologising for having been so weak as to give up her son.   A.J. had forgiven her long ago, and told her to stop, please, there was no need, that he understood.

Larry and Laurent had gone outside, and after leaving them to talk for a while, taking a large and deep breath, Maggie joined them.

When he saw her, Larry made himself scarce, with a smile and a wink at his brother.

"You don't have to go, Larry"

"Yeah, you guys have a lot to talk about" he said, planting that big, sloppy kiss on her forehead again. She scrunched up her face, thinking, -- I wish he wouldn't keep doing that! -- but on second thoughts -- no, I do wish he would keep doing that, its cute. And I love it -- she thought, smiling to herself.

She and Laurent were at either ends of the porch. They both shuffled uneasily for a moment, now on their own for the first time since that night.

Laurent "Maggie. Maggie, look at me , please"

She couldn't.

She could feel her cheeks flush hot, her heart started beating rapidly, tears pricking her eyes. Laurent walked over to her, and wrapped her in his arms as tightly as he could, resting his chin on the top of her head, swaying them back and forth. It was a familiar feeling, one she loved, one she would melt into, but this time she felt awkward ..... unsettled ..... sad.   He pulled back slightly, lifting her chin gently to make her look at him.

He continued " I'm SO sorry, Maggie. I haven't told you that to your face, I'm SO sorry for what I did to you, for everything I put you through, for the pain, everything. I'm sorry you've had to endure the memory of that night all this time. I know you were being kind to us that night, telling us the truth about mama. I know that, I even knew it then, but I ....... I...... don't know what happened"   He looked deep into Maggie's eyes and face as he told her this, still holding her chin in place, even though she tried to look away, to break their gaze.

He was being so honest with her, opening himself up and making himself so vulnerable to her, she didn't think she could take it. She was so overwhelmed with her love for him, her desire for him. But fear was the overriding emotion she could feel now. Fear and sadness.  Not fear of physical pain, but fear of hurt, emotional pain, an ache for something they would never feel for one another again. That the way felt about each other, the way she felt about him, her love for him, would never come back, never be the same.

She felt a wave of overwhelming sadness wash over her, and as it brought her to her knees, she began to sob.  Laurent had sunk to his knees with her, still wrapping her tightly in his arms. He was shushing her, rocking her, telling her he loved her, how much he loved her. That he would love her till he took his last breath. That he would spend his life proving to her how much, and that she could trust him again.

Larry had stopped behind a door for some reason, he felt compelled to, and had watched the whole scene play out.   They obviously didn't know he was there.

-- I want that kind of love -- he thought sadly to himself -- it's not perfect, they've got a long road ahead to get back to "normal", whatever that is.  But I want that, I want to look at the woman I love and feel what Laurent feels for Maggie -- his eyes filled with tears at the thought.

-- It will happen. It has to --

Maggie took a moment to gather herself together, wiped her eyes, and looking directly at Laurent  

 "I love you too. I have never stopped loving you, Lau. But I can't do this right now, what with ..." she said, gesturing to whatever was going on behind the door, inside the house, "all this going on. I need some time to think, ok ? We both do. But remember this moment, please. I do love you.  But we need to come back to each other slowly, to build that trust again. Is that OK? Please let it be OK"   He looked crushed, but it was better than the alternative.

"Of course it is, Maggie, whatever you need to do"

Maggie "Thank you .........Thank you"   She left him to join A.J. and mama in the house.

Larry appeared at his side. Laurent was still dazed by what had just happened. Larry then pulled him in for a hug, wishing he could erase his brothers pain.