So, Here I Am

Chapter Thirty Five Maggie Post Lightning

Maggie was kept in hospital over night, and Larry and Issy picked her up the next day, and they all went back to Issy's apartment.  Larry had collected all Maggie's stuff from Laurent's apartment, which had made him cry again.  She would stay with them until she was ready to go home, which as far as she was concerned, was the sooner the better.  She booked a flight for the next day.

Larry "Are you sure you want to go so soon, Maggie ? You need to be well before you fly for so long"  He was concerned for her.

"I know, Lar, I'll be OK, I'm not unwell, I'm not an invalid !"  She was short with him and immediately regretted it.  "See, I'd drive you all nuts, getting mad at everyone, the world and his wife, for no apparent reason.  No, the sooner I get home and go back to work, the better off everyone will be.  You guys can get back to normal.  Laurent can ...." she couldn't finish that sentence, it hurt too much.

She was going to say,  --  get back to his life without me  --  she gave a huge sigh, and tried to smile at Larry, but failed miserably.

Larry " Not for no reason, Maggie.  You have every reason to be mad.  Have you thought about how you might ..... you know ......talk to ....."   He was trying to be so diplomatic, and so sweet, but she knew what he was trying to say

" Talk to Laurent ?  See him ?  No, I haven't.  What's to say ?  He did a very big shit in the most beautiful of nests.  Now it's not so beautiful anymore, and it smells like crap, so I guess he'll just have to live with that, won't he ?"  Larry had to admit, Maggie scared him a little when she talked like that.  She always had, if he was being totally honest.  The next day, Larry and Issy drove Maggie to the airport.

"We'll come and visit, yeah? You know I love London. Plus we have to do the ICD workshops. I love you, Maggie, we both do."  They all hugged, and Larry whispered in her ear before she went through security.

"I know he doesn't deserve it, but please try to let him make it right, Maggie, for all our sake's" He was staring intently at her as he said it.  And at that moment, she realised the weight of the meaning of what Larry had said.

Because of what Laurent had done, the ripples on the pond, the repercussions were enormous, especially for Larry.  In her anger, her hurt and her pain, Maggie's intention was to make Laurent's life a misery, not just physically, but financially, and any other way she could find.          It wasn't like her, she knew, but she had wanted to hurt him as badly as he had hurt her.  And she could do that by cutting off his legs, but not quite literally.  Taking away his ability to dance. Taking away Inner City Dance workshops. Rescinding the grant to "Winged Feet", so that he couldn't do his city workshops either. Using her contacts and considerable influence to get sponsors to pull their support, financial and otherwise. Making sure news and entertainment outlets knew the truth about him and his sexual preferences, anonymously, of course.  She would be the wronged girlfriend, and he would be the bad guy.

All this crossed her mind for all of two minutes.

She couldn't do that to him, she just couldn't.  Take the low road, just because she was hurting ? Ruin the life of someone she loved, because it might temporarily make her feel better ?   But after what Larry had said, she realised it wouldn't just be Laurent she would be ruining, it would be Larry too.  And Issy.  And ICD.  And the kids that needed "Winged Feet" in their lives to stop them from joining gangs and selling drugs.  And god knows who else.  And she couldn't do that to them.

With a last wave, she walked through security, and made her way to the First Class lounge. She found a seat, ordered a glass of wine, sat with her head in her hands and cried.  -- Stop it ! -- not here -- but she really didn't care if anyone saw her.

But she did care, she realised, about Laurent.  And what she realised was that if he felt as bad this time as he did when he had hurt her before, he was going to need help, professional help, just to sort through his feelings.

And so was she.