Don't fall

Chapter XVIII: Nothing to lose

Dreams of Sarah; mostly good, about how I get to touch and kiss her. But every now and then, there's a nightmare. I fear so much for her, much more than I do for myself. I love her more than anything, I'd do whatever it would take to see her happy. Even if that was to pretend I don't love her, so she would forget about me, move on and be safe. I shake my thoughts off, remembering of what Sar told me about overthinking. Last time I did it, it didn't go so well. I get up from my bed and stretch, getting ready for a boring ass day: a Sunday. As I pass by the window, I see the empty parking spot where Sarah's grey mustang usually is. Even though I get this vision every week, it still hurts to see it. As I gather my things to shower, I'm interrupted by unexpected knocks.

-Yes? -I ask with my head next to the door.

-Join us at the chapel in 5 minutes. -The voice of a nun I can't quite name comes through.

Unplanned chapel meeting? Fuck. Someone must have died. I get ready as fast as possible, hoping I wouldn't be late. As I step in, I notice that the room's energy feels just as unusual as the current situation: the students are talking to each other and so are the nuns. I had no idea we were allowed to socialize until just now.

-Hey. -I try to talk to a girl near me. -What's going on?

-There's a dead girl in the courtyard. They're trying to keep us from going there. -She answers and I get the refreshing feeling of seeing these other girls as human beings and not disciplined robots.

-How?

-We think she killed herself. A girl from level two found her.

-Fuck... Did you know her?

-Yes, but we only spoke once. Her name was Laura, I think. Laura Banks. -As the name leaves her lips, my heart drops. Laura... Fuck. It's the girl that talked to me on the first day.

Before I could speak, we hear the voice of a man, trying to get everyone to shut up. We all sat down and stopped talking immediately.

-Silence please. -The man speaks again as the noise dissipates and I recognize him. -There's has been an accident at the courtyard. Though you shouldn't be alarmed because it is being taken care of, we will have you staying within the chapel until it's resolved. -Father O'Connell says leaving the altar.

-Say her name. -I shout instinctively.

He stops for a second, looking around to find who said it.

-Say her name. -Another girl shouts before he can scold us.

Suddenly, we were all shouting. From "say her name", it went to just screaming her name. Father O'Connell clearly feels lost, searching for help by staring at the nuns. No one could help him, just like no one could help Laura. Except, she died, and he unfortunately won't. It's not fair. She was so young and... Kind. I only knew her for a moment, but I knew how good she was. Far better than me. Don't say that. You know what this leads up to next. As the girls keep up, some nuns try to calm us down. I look around and notice something: Sister Claire is staring at me. She saw me starting it.

I lay down in agony, minutes after what happened down at the chapel. It's only a matter of time until Sister Claire tells everyone what I did. Why am I so stupid? I didn't have to shout that... No. They're wrong, not me. Calling Laura an accident can't go unnoticed. It's the shittiest thing to be said, specially under these circumstances. What happened to her was borderline murder. Killed by her parents, killed by this academy, killed by this world. Ugh, I fucking hate it here. I miss Sarah's apartment. It felt like our own little world away from this one. Like we were the only people that existed. I jolt up from bed as I hear knocks on my door.