Damm straight im a Mercury

chapter 22

                                                 hard times

Racheal's p.o.v

its been 7 weeks since we got home from the hospital and today kits is bringing over his boyfriend to meet me and visit baby Gwil.

babe what time is kit coming over? I hear Rami ask me whilst I'm feeding baby Gwil.

em I think they will be here at 2 so in just over an hour which is perfect as I can shower after I put him down for his nap and hopefully we can spend half and hour with kits boyfriend.i say watching Rami come to sit beside me on the rocking chair in gwils room.

he nods and zones out watching me rock baby Gwil to sleep after burping him and changing him as well.

once I set baby Gwill in the crib I turn to see Rami looking sad 

I walk over to him and sit on his lap kissing his head as I sit down 

you ok?I say softly

he hums and tucks his head in my neck 

I hug him tightly knowing he needs it.

I don't know what's up and you don't have to talk to me but please talk to someone and let me help where I can, please.i say 

he nods and starts to go to talk but never saying anything at the same time

I feel useless.he say suddenly after a long silence 

I hug him tighter letting him know im listening 

what way? I ask softly

with everything, the baby you do all the work and I know its ridiculous but I feel like I don't even know my own child, I feel like a shit husband cause we never spend real time together anymore and soon enough I have to go back to working full time with this movie coming up, i just feel like shit.he say making my heart sore

baby your not in anyway useless. i'm sorry that you don't get much time with Gwil we will figure out a way that you get to spend time alone with him I promise, and as for being a shit husband that's complete bullshit you our the only one making me feel good when I feel like a terrible mother or i'm lonely you come and sit with me even if we don't talk, you support me and i'm sure between all the uncles and grandparents we will have babysitters jumping out of our ears to be able to spend time together and I have my check up soon to give me the all clear so we can go out to dinner or something to celebrate.i say as he lifts his head to look into my eyes to see my honesty while I talk 

As for work, well thats a bit shit for everyone especially you not going to lie babe, but we will make it work when he is old enough to fly we will come visit and we will always call you and I will make plenty of videos for you and when your home I will make sure as much as I can we all get time alone together and just us two I promise.i know me saying all that probably didn't help much but I will never be able to take the shit feelings away but I can try to help.i say 

he is near enough in tears by the end staring at me with his big dark puppy eyes

your amazing baby thank you for saying all that it means a lot mainly cause I know you are one of the few people who would say that and actually follow through with it.i would love to try all that baby.he says smiling 

I smile wide and kiss him 

I will talk with my brothers to see if one or more like a few would babysit for us after my appointment on Thursday.get a bit of us time what you think? hey even dad and Rory might do it.i suggest standing up him following me