untitled love - todomomo (discontinued)

Jirou- Episode 11

"I don't fantasize of what will happen in the future, I fantasize of what would have happened in the past if the future was different. It's unusual for me to write down things beside schoolwork and I may not be the best in writing but sometimes I need to vent and write too, it's for my mental health that's why I choose to write now.

I always catch feelings for someone, wether those are friendship or love, they feel good, they feel wonderful, they feel needed, they feel beautiful, it's impossible to forget those feelings or to stop having them, it's almost as impossible as not living with oxygen or water, they are something I can't never get rid of no matter how many god darn times I try. I sometimes will ignore Aizawa's lessons and think about feelings. I'll think about what I feel for someone. I'll think about how many times I will have a happy feeling when seeing someone in particular. I sometimes feel like singing about someone if I enjoy the feelings they come with. There's always someone that will make you feel way better than someone else, or someone that will make you feel way better than anyone in your life. Yaomomo. She makes me feel like singing nonstop about her, she makes me feel like I will never loose my will to keep on going while she's by my side. She is my everything. She is my best friend, no, she's my everything. Nobody has ever made me feel like this, nobody has ever been close to what Yaomomo is, not even Kamanari. My wish is to be with her for the rest of my life, share a home, clothing, food and a bed, I want to share everything I had,have and will have with her. I love her, I want to marry her and if it is possible to have a small but caring family with her. But, no matter how much I wish and pray, this fantasy won't come true, because Momo is straight. My feelings won't get what they desire and I won't be satisfied with what I have, when we graduate highschool and when we become heroes, I'm sure we will loose contact since we will be busy dealing with all of our personal problems and kicking villains' asses, but if we still remain in touch, I'm sure we would only be friends and our bond won't be as close as the one we have. I'm sure she will forget about me and have a family with someone else, someone who isn't me, someone who isn't like me, someone who is different from me, and that "someone" is Todoroki. He is what I never will be, strong, quiet, smart and.. just different from me.

I am hurt because Yaomomo didn't even tell me about her relationship with Todoroki, I'm sure she doesn't trust me. I'm sure she doesn't want me. I'm sure she wants me dead. I'm sure that in her hospital bed she will talk shit about me to the nurses. Talk about how such a bad friend I am. How such a coward I am. How I let her cries for help and let it slide like if it was nothing. How I never hugged her enough. How I never talked to her enough. How I didn't help her enough. How I didn't care for her enough. I wanted to give her the stars and the moon, Jupiter and Saturn if she asked me to. It's unfair how much she helped me and how many things she gave me, and I haven't returned her the simple favor of being a incredible friend like she was.    Now I see why she is way happier with Todoroki than me, he probably buys her stuff, takes her to cool places, helps her, and simply, loves her.
I love her.
But I'm no good for her.

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